Raising Cash

Yay!

2012-01-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

I got a call from my doctor’s office today to schedule my c-section! Unless he decides to come early, Charlie will arrive on Tuesday, March 27th! Cash was also born on a Tuesday, which is sort of cool. I’m a little nervous that he will be even bigger than Cash since that is only two days before my original due date. I say “original” because he has measured at least a week ahead at every ultrasound since they landed on that due date. Cash was born 8 days ahead of his due date and weighed 9 ½ pounds. I know Charlie is his own person and could very well be born a pipsqueak, but he could also break the 10-pound mark. I guess only time will tell. Either way, I’m getting ridiculously excited to meet the little guy!!

“Good” Parenting

2012-01-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

I’ve always said that the best parenting advice I could give anyone is to follow your instincts. Mine told me to let Cash nurse whenever he wanted, to let him sleep in our bed, to let him self-wean, to avoid the cry-it-out method like the plague, etc. And I’ve never regretted any of those decisions. However, now that he’s older, the decisions are getting harder, and as much as I hate it, my instincts don’t always guide me down the right path. I was clearly reminded of this on Friday night when we ran into his preschool teacher at Chick Fil A. She greeted Cash with warm hugs and you could see the genuine affection they have for each other, which was nice. And when Cash ran back into the play area, she happily told me about the big difference she sees in him since the beginning of the year – more outgoing, more talkative, loves to tell stories, etc. The proud mama in me just soaked everything in, agreeing that he has come a long way indeed.

Then came the part about how she’s been encouraging him to stick up for himself. Apparently she saw another boy in his class knock him to the floor, and Cash wasn’t saying anything in response to this (horrible, bratty) kid. So she told Cash that when someone treats him that way, he needs to tell them to stop and that he doesn’t like what they’re doing. Apparently it sunk in because this same little boy (seriously, kid? What is your deal?) apparently likes to annoy other kids during snack by taking his food and putting it on others’ napkins. So when he did it to Cash, he told him to stop it and he didn’t like that.

Now, I know that the teacher’s responses were appropriate (assuming the offending child also got some sort of discipline, like a time out, which I didn’t ask about). However, what my instincts tell me to do is point out to Cash how much taller and bigger he is than the other kids in his class and if one of them messes with him, just lay them out and they won’t do it again. I know, I know, totally wrong, and I didn’t actually say that to Cash, but it’s what I WANT to tell him. And honestly, it’s what I may eventually tell him if he runs into this problem when he’s older. I’m all for using our words and talking out our problems, but for some people, the only thing they respond to is being put in their place. And, despite his sweet and gentle personality, Cash has the physical attributes to do just that. He’s going to be a tall, broad-shouldered guy with big hands and feet, and if he occasionally needs to employ those things when provoked, I don’t have a problem with that.

Also, as the Mom who is sponsoring the Valentine’s Day party, there might be one kid who doesn’t get a cupcake...

In all seriousness, bullying is a huge issue these days and I don’t really know how I will handle it if Cash gets bullied in school. Although we’ve had our issues with him lashing out at Jason or me, I can say with conviction that he would NEVER do that to another child or even any other caregiver besides his parents. And I can only imagine how he felt when that little boy did that to him. He is very sensitive and takes things to heart very easily. And the thought of another kid hurting his feelings just kills me. I also wonder why he didn’t tell me or Jason about it. I guess it’s possible it wasn’t that big of a deal to him, and he didn’t think to mention it. Or that he’s three and has a really short attention span so by the time he saw us, he had just forgotten about it. I’ve been asking him since September what he’s learned in Spanish and he’s said “Nothing” every time. Then this weekend he starts naming off all the colors in Spanish. The 3-year-old brain is hard to figure out...

An Open Letter

2012-01-20T06:20:00.000-08:00

Dear public at large:

I have a tiny news flash for you – it is sort of required that, when creating a human being – a woman must gain weight. Her belly will get bigger. And bigger. And then even bigger. Now read this part carefully: it is NEVER appropriate to comment on someone else’s weight or size unless you are telling them how wonderful they look. It is rude and often hurtful. And I am not a delicate flower when it comes to these things. For the most part I just laugh at how incredibly insensitive people are and continue with my day, you know, CREATING LIFE. What boggles my mind the most is that most of these comments come from women who have had children. You would think that someone who had experienced this themselves would know better. I swear on my maternity jeans, I will NEVER say any of the following things to a pregnant woman (and yes, these are all things I have personally heard from people):

Are you sure you have (insert amount of time until due date) to go? You look like you could pop any day!

Are you sure there’s only one baby in there?

Wow, that’s going to be a big baby!

I remember how big you got with your first – was he a big baby?

I think you’ve gotten even bigger since the last time I saw you!

You know what it IS ok to say? “You sure are a beautiful pregnant woman.” That’s what one of my Mom’s nurses told me last night. And boy, did I need to hear that. Or, you know, you could just NOT comment on the way someone looks. How about a simple “Wow, I bet you’re getting excited!” or “How are you feeling?”

The moral of the story: Pregnant women are still women. If you wouldn’t say it to someone when they aren’t pregnant, don’t say it when she is.

Sincerely,
Apparently the most giant pregnant woman in the world

2011

2011-12-30T05:58:00.000-08:00

I don’t even know how to write about this year. So many huge, life-changing things have happened that whatever I say here couldn’t possibly capture them properly. But I feel the need to capture them nonetheless, so here goes.

I almost lost my Mom. I stood in the ICU as a doctor told my Dad and me that we should be prepared for her not to make it. I spent hours with my family in a hospital waiting room watching reruns of Law & Order and eating fast food while waiting for the next opportunity to go in and see her. I watched her be put on a ventilator, loaded into an ambulance and sent to a major university hospital in hopes that they could save her. And they did. And for that...well, grateful doesn’t quite cover it. It was, of course, just the beginning of a very long road that we are all still traveling, but the fact that she is still here to travel it with us is enough.

I got pregnant with our second child. In March we will meet Charlie and, in all likelihood, he will complete our family. This pregnancy has gone by with lightning speed and I am equal parts terrified of managing two children and overcome with glee at getting to know my younger son.

We bought a house. After years of bland, non-descript rentals that never truly felt like home, we finally planted our little stake in the ground. And it feels good to know that we won’t be moving again for a LONG time. It’s not huge or fancy, but it’s enough for us, and it’s comfortable, and it’s ours.

We’ve experienced financial ups and downs, which, frankly, are still with us as we usher in 2012. My husband and his Dad are in residential construction, which isn’t exactly booming right now. We don’t know from week to week if he will work 40 hours or 15 or none. A ridiculous portion of his paycheck goes into his gas tank because he commutes an hour each way. We’re beginning to look into the possibility of him getting a new job, but it’s hard. Working for his Dad is the only job he’s ever had and venturing into new territory is scary. Not to mention that jobs aren’t exactly plentiful right now. But whatever happens, we’ll figure it out. Like we always do.

As far as resolutions go, I really would just like to stay out of Intensive Care Units. Happy 2012 everyone!

2011-12-27T07:56:00.000-08:00

Coming back to work today was hard. I had six straight days to hang out with Cash and soak up all his awesomeness. And he really was awesome. I feel like he has outgrown a lot of the terrible threes (although not all) and I truly enjoyed his company. We went to a movie together, decorated cookies, and excitedly changed the countdown to Santa each day. He continues to blow my mind with how sweet and polite he is. All day on Christmas he went around thanking people, completely unprompted. He would throw his arms around your neck and say “Thank you for all my presents!” He even curled up in my lap and said, “I will have to tell Santa thank you for all these new things.” And then I melted into a puddle from the cuteness. I was just so proud of him. Christmas was a LONG day filled with many visits to many people and a lot of overstimulation, and he held it together very well.

I had such a great time with him that it reinforced some of my nervousness about the new baby. How could any other kid be as amazing as the one I already have? And yes, I know that logically I will love Charlie just as much as I love Cash, it’s just hard to imagine. I love him so much it is sometimes painful. I also know him – I love him because he is my son, of course, but I also love him for his sense of humor, his sweetness and kindness, his personality quirks, and every little thing that makes up who he is. All I know about Charlie so far is that he likes to head-butt me in the bladder and gets really riled up when I eat sweets. I realize that I will be back here in the spring spouting off about how completely amazing Charlie is, but for now I am just going to stew in my second-time-around nervousness. See also: have done nothing to prepare. Nothing. I kept putting things off until after “the holidays” and now guess what? They’re over. Well, I guess we still have New Year’s...

Fa la la la la

2011-12-14T07:06:00.000-08:00

Oh, Christmas, how I simultaneously love you and am exhausted by you. I can’t even imagine how the exhaustion is going to multiply when there is another child to shop for, another Christmas program to attend and make cookies for, another person relying on me to create the magic of Christmas for them. But I’m sure I’ll love every minute of it.

It’s amazing how different preparing for a second child is. And how much less I worry about having the perfect nursery (good thing, since there won’t be a nursery!), having every tiny outfit and wash cloth and blanket washed and folded, etc. I know I still have time – March is a good way’s away – but I know that after Christmas is over it will sneak up on me quickly. And I’m not that worried about it. They don’t need very much in the beginning. The biggest thing I need to do is nail down child care. But I really don’t wanna. So I’m waiting until after Christmas to worry about that too.

Our Christmas pictures turned out really well! Here is a sample for your viewing enjoyment. When he saw the one of us outside where I’m turned to the side, my husband’s reaction was “Look at your belly!” Like he somehow missed how big it was until he saw that picture. What can I say? I grow giant children. They need space.

We have yet to secure a picture of Cash and Santa. We went to the Transportation Museum’s big holiday thing last weekend, but the Santa there was, let’s say, less than jolly, and Cash was already in a bad mood because some kid tried to take a train out of his hands at the train table in the gift shop, so he refused to go near him. When Santa offered him a monster truck toy (donated by my company) Cash said, “Um, I think I already have that one.” Poor Santa. We’ll try again tomorrow. Cash’s school Christmas program is in the morning and in the afternoon my company is having pictures with Santa in our office so maybe he’ll like our Santa better.

My mom has been making good progress. It is not looking like she’ll be home for Christmas, which sucks in a major way, but she is at least getting stronger and healthier. Charlie has been a big motivator for her because she really wants to be at the hospital when he is born, so we’re trying to milk that for all its worth to get her to work hard at her physical therapy. So in addition to every other house we have to visit on Christmas day, I will be heading to the hospital to see my Mom. Let’s just not think about that right now.

Happy Festivus!

Oops

2011-12-05T08:39:00.000-08:00

Almost two months between blog posts huh? You might think I've had nothing to talk about but boy would you be wrong! There just hasn't been a free minute to formulate thoughts into sentences. And some of those thoughts are not appropriate for mass consumption, so I will keep those between myself and the few people I unload them on. You're welcome.

So, a few quick updates for anyone who is interested:

Baby Charlie continues to grow and kick and move and groove just as he should, which we are immensely thankful for. His fetal echo went great and his heart looks wonderful. He may still have something like Cash had (tiny VSD/heart murmur) but nothing major. I go for my 24-week check-up tomorrow and will get to have yet another ultrasound because the little booger refused to show his face at my 20-week ultrasound and they need to check for cleft palate and other facial abnormalities. I'm sure he is gorgeous just like his big brother.

We picked up his car seat and stroller this weekend. Other than a few cute outfits, that's really all we've bought. Despite his second child-ness, my lovely friends are throwing me a shower and I believe my aunts are as well so I am trying to hold off on buying too much until after those happen. Of course I have a ton of clothes from Cash, but he was a summer baby so I do need to build up a little stash of warmer clothes since it's still pretty chilly in March. We also didn't have room in our townhouse for a lot of the "extras" like swings and bouncy seats with Cash, so I definitely want to invest in a couple of those things. We don't need a crib since we co-sleep and we have a dresser we can use, so no major furniture purchases will be required. We still have our co-sleeper so we'll see if Charlie will actually sleep in it (Cash never did). I will need a new pump since the one I used for Cash was shedding parts by the end of Cash's first year (it was a hand-me-down from a family friend). I am also still debating options for child care since I really can't add anything else to my Dad's plate right now. I have a phone number for a woman I need to call but I'm still holding out hope that my cousin Katie will want to do it if she chooses to go to community college after she graduates this year. We'll see...

My mom is still in the hospital. Physically she is getting much better but emotionally she has gone downhill a little bit. She is depressed, anxious, weepy, and wants my Dad to be with her at all times, which is of course, impossible. It's really hard to watch. Currently she can't have antidepressants because she is on two forms of antibiotics which interact badly with antidepressants, but hopefully when she goes off those, they will find a drug that works for her so she can focus her energy on getting stronger and stop being so crazy.

The potty training attempts continue. We've made progress, but he still will pretty much only go at night before bed. He wakes up dry almost every morning but refuses to sit on the potty in the mornings. Whatev. He'll do it when he's ready and in the meantime I'll keep buying pull-ups.

We took our Christmas family pictures in our new house yesterday and I can't wait to see how they turn out. This is the first year Cash has been really into decorating and the tree and lights and everything, so it's been a lot of fun. There is really nothing better than being a kid at Christmas. I am now realizing just how much work it took from my parents to create that magic, but it is so worth it.

Hello world!

2011-10-13T07:49:00.000-07:00

I'm Charlie!

Suddenly this whole "pregnant again" thing feels very real...

Sigh of Relief

2011-09-08T12:20:00.000-07:00

So far (two days in) Cash is rocking preschool this year. According to my Dad, there have been no tears at drop-off. I’m not picking him up this year, so I don’t know if he’s cried while he’s there, but I haven’t gotten a call from the school, so he must be doing ok. He tells us excitedly about everything he did that day and does not put up a fight when it’s time to leave for school. After last year’s very drawn-out adjustment period, I am thrilled that he has taken to it so easily this year. I think being older helps a lot because he understands so much more of what we tell him and he remembers being there last year so everything isn’t as foreign to him. He knows someone will always come back to get him. And, as much as I hate it, I think removing myself from the equation also helps. He’s not waiting for Mommy to come get him. Paw-Paw takes him and Paw-Paw picks him up. Plus he’s going every day rather than just twice a week, so the routine will help as well. I really want him to enjoy school and look forward to going and learning new things, so hopefully this is the beginning of even better things to come!

Three can also be pretty awesome

2011-08-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

In addition to the tantrums and the screaming and the bossiness, there are lots of hugs and kisses and snuggles and I Love Yous.

There are tickles and squeals and laughter and excitement.

There is the joy that comes from a boy being reunited with his Paw-Paw after weeks of separation.

There is the sweetness of a boy asking about his Mimi and if she is still sick and when she is coming home. (Yes, and I wish I knew.)

There are simple requests like a trip to the park or more pink lemonade.

There are constant pleas to “Play with me, play with me!” which are sometimes exhausting but always endearing.

There are filthy toes from days spent outside in the dirt being washed clean in a bathtub filled with bubbles and the smell of baby shampoo.

There are bedtime stories which come from mine and Jason’s life experiences as often as they come from a story book.

There are silly faces and evenings spent on the back porch.

There are movie nights when everyone gets to eat candy.

There is – literally – the pitter patter of little feet.

There is the perfect, peaceful expression of a sleeping child.

Three can be pretty cool.

Oy.

2011-08-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this post with the obligatory disclaimer: I love my son more than life itself. Would throw myself in front of a bus for him. I smother him daily with snuggles and kisses and hugs. Love, love, love.

Now, with that said, the past few days have been...a challenge. So many meltdowns. So much hitting. And the kicker is that these things only happen with me. He is a ray of sunshine all day, and then as soon as I pick him up he just loses his mind. And I know that’s normal. I know kids are prone to losing their sh*t when their parents pick them up because they’ve worked so hard to hold it together all day. Then they unleash on us. And I get that. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating. I also know that this poor kid’s entire routine has been shot all to hell for the past few months. His Mimi is in the hospital (still), his Paw-Paw has to be with her, and where does that leave him? Shuttled from house to house. And that lack of routine is hard on kids. Not to mention we just moved to a new house. And all the upheaval is taking a toll on him, which we are seeing in his behavior.

Last night I witnessed the most epic fit I’ve ever seen. I was that woman in a store (CVS) with the screaming child. Because I wouldn’t let him push the cart (which looked like a giant plastic car) around, running over innocent bystanders in the process. You would have thought I’d told him there would be no more Christmas presents EVER. The wailing. The “I’m going to hit you!” The actual hitting. The wailing when I made him go sit in one of the pharmacy chairs. It was ridiculous. And the fit continued when we got home and he wanted to go to the playground across the street. I didn’t even say no, I just said I needed to go in first to put my stuff down. And the fit began again. With the wailing and the hitting. I finally told him if he hit me again, we would not be going to the playground at all. A minute goes by, he hits me again. At which point I said “No park.” You can imagine how that was received. Finally I told him he could get ahold of himself and play with something else or he was going to bed. He couldn’t calm down, so I put him to bed. When he had gotten settled, we had a little talk about behavior and how I’m trying to teach him what’s right and what’s wrong and that hitting is wrong, etc. I explained that I would much rather us play and have fun, but we can’t do that when he’s throwing a fit and hitting me. I felt bad, he felt bad.

The hitting seems to come and go in cycles. It won’t be an issue for a while, then it comes back full force. And the thing is, I understand why he does it. It’s just an automatic response when he feels scared, nervous, embarrassed, etc. It’s how he lets Jason and I know that he is upset about something. That doesn’t make it ok, but it seems to be a hardwired thing, at least for now. I’m sure as he grows up he will find other ways to express his emotions, but he’s only three. And I’m not making excuses and believe me, I tell him ALL THE TIME that hitting is wrong, but I’m struggling with giving him something to replace it with. We’ve tried telling him to stomp his feet when he’s mad or use his words and tell us when he’s scared. But in the moment, he doesn’t remember those things. He just goes back to his instinctual fight or flight response and lashes out. But he never does it to anyone but me or Jason.

Compounding it all is that Cash is just a very sensitive kid. When he says something funny (that maybe he didn’t intend to be funny) and people laugh, he gets embarrassed and thinks people are laughing AT him. He takes what everyone says seriously, and he never forgets anything. He has a quick temper (like both of his parents) and can go from totally calm to freak-out mode in about a half a second.

All this to say: Being a parent is hard. I never know if I’m doing it right. I’m sure other people see him hitting me and think I have no control over him or he’s a brat or a mean kid. But those things are not true. He is a very sensitive child who hasn’t yet figured out a better way to let me know that something is bothering him. But hopefully we can figure it out together.

Hello

2011-08-09T06:41:00.000-07:00

You would think with everything that’s been going on in my life I would be writing more, but sadly, that has not been the case. I think I’m just too overwhelmed with making it through the day to take time to document anything.

My mom is still in the hospital and I’m worried she may lose her job when her FMLA is up next week. My Dad and sister are staying in Charlottesville with my mother which means poor Cash has been shuttled between family and friends’ houses since my Dad is my babysitter. Thankfully he’s handled it pretty well. He starts preschool again in September and I just hope my Dad is back home by then because otherwise I have no idea who will take him and pick him up. It breaks my heart when he asks when Mimi will come home and says that he misses Paw-Paw. I know he is feeling the stress of this situation too. And he is just the sweetest kid I have ever seen. He walks up to me and asks for hugs and snuggles. He tells Jason he can’t come in while we’re reading stories because we’re having Mama Time. I took him to the grocery store with me this weekend, which is against my cardinal rule about kids in the grocery store, and he was fabulous. He told me what he wanted to eat and what he was tired of eating, thus saving me from buying things that would go to waste. And when we pulled up to the counter, he turned around in the cart and started loading things onto the belt for me! Such a gentleman.

We closed on our house and moved in, which has been awesome. I am looking forward to getting our rental deposit back soon (or at least most of it).

I think that’s all I’ve got for today. Talk to you in another month or so!

Updates

2011-06-21T06:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry to leave the doom and gloom post up for so long. My mother has come a long way since I wrote that. She is still in the hospital but no longer in ICU and will probably be moved to a rehab floor soon. No more dialysis, no more feeding tube, no more ventilator or oxygen. Still some issues, but nothing like what she was dealing with a couple of weeks ago. Thank you to everyone who sent us thoughts and prayers and checked on her.

Also, my baby boy turned three. Three! How that happened, I have no idea. Stupid passage of time.

This is what hell must be like

2011-06-07T06:04:00.000-07:00

I am hesitant to write anything about my mom and how sick she is and how this has all made me feel. I don’t know why really, except maybe fear of “jinxing” things. Which seems silly, but I don’t want to take any chances. Things have been such a roller coaster of ups and downs that I don’t want to get excited about any one development or let any setback get to me too much (fat chance of that, but I’m trying). I was super excited about her coming off the ventilator, but then she developed a blood clot in her leg. She is acting slightly more awake as they scale back on the pain meds, but she is not yet able to follow any commands other than “Look over here.” Her white blood count is coming down, but she is having some issues with her kidneys. For every step forward, it feels like there is also a step back. It is nothing short of a living nightmare, and I don’t say that to be dramatic. Over the course of two weeks I went from having conversations with my Mom about baby names for my (still hypothetical) second child to looking into the vacant eyes of a woman on a ventilator and feeding tube. Sometimes I still think I will wake up and none of it will be real. Or maybe I just wish for that. I am clinging to the doctor’s words – I see no reason she won’t recover from this, I just don’t know how long it will take – like a life preserver in a hurricane. Patience is not a virtue I possess, but as long as the ultimate outcome is her getting better I will wait as long as it takes. Because the alternative is simply too horrific to imagine.

My son, myself

2011-05-25T06:13:00.000-07:00

One amazing thing about raising a child is seeing yourself in them. Not in the way they look, although that’s cool too, but noticing things about their personality and then going “Duh!” when you realize you were the exact same way as a kid. It’s becoming apparent that, often times, Cash is more comfortable around adults than other children. Especially large groups of children or kids he doesn’t know. He is also more reserved in a school/group setting than he is at home or places where he’s comfortable (like his grandparents’ houses). And I was the exact same way. I had two distinct personalities. School Callie was quiet, shy, never wanting to be called on in class (even though I almost always knew the answer) never wanting to jump into any group activities. But Home Callie was loud, talkative to the point of excess, bossy, and never hesitant to let my presence be known. I eventually grew out of it and became more vocal at school, but it took a while.

Two examples:

Yesterday was his end-of-year preschool picnic. The closer we got to the playground, the more excited he got, yet the more he clung to my leg. One little boy excitedly yelled “Cash is here! Cash is here!” which was adorable, but Cash was hesitant to join in the fray of preschoolers running around. He did go play but would often call for me to come join him. He was having fun but definitely in a more reserved way. Kids running or shouting caused him to go in the other direction. He came and sat next to me on a bench for a while, munching Goldfish and watching all the excitement. He was excited to see his teacher and had a great time when I pushed him on the swing. When we left he kept talking about how much fun he had. So I know he had a great time, he is just not the type to throw himself into the group.

Last week in the waiting room at the dentist, he got immediately anxious when another little boy walked into the play area. However, he sat right down next to a woman in the waiting room and struck up a conversation with her, completely at ease.

This may make it sound like he doesn’t like playing with other kids, which is not the case. I think he is nervous because of the unpredictability of children his age. You never know when they might take away the toy you’re playing with or suddenly scream for no reason. But older kids and adults are quieter, more polite, and generally easier to get along with. My mother has always said that my sister and I were like little adults, so perhaps Cash is following in our footsteps. Of course, he has also been surrounded by adults from infancy. He never went to a babysitter or day care. He’s been cared for by parents, grandparents and aunts, and that’s where he’s most comfortable.

Also, on a completely different note, his little baby face is just about gone, and it happened way too quickly.

Cash on the first day of preschool in September.

Cash last month at Easter.

I’m so proud of him, but if he could slow down a little on the growing up, that would be great.

Mind on my Money

2011-05-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

I am SO close to qualifying for a mortgage I can taste it! I am so sick of just looking at houses online - I'm ready to hop in the car with a realtor and start seeing these places in person. There are a couple in particular that I'm interested in and I hope they stay on the market for a little while longer. I am ready to live somewhere that is MINE and where I know I won't be moving again for a long time.

I am also ready to kick the baby-making into high gear. It's not quite time yet but we're getting closer...

I made the executive decision to let Cash skip the last few days of preschool for the year. He's had to miss so many days with his teeth, spring break, our trip to PA, etc. that school was just not part of his routine anymore, and when something isn't part of Cash's routine he tends not to react well. He was having a really rough time and I got a report from him that when he was crying, his teacher told him to stop it, he was hurting everyone's ears. So yeah. We'll try again next year when he'll go all 5 days (9-12) and have a new (hopefully more patient) teacher. She's been great most of the year, but I don't get the impression that she copes well with inconsolable toddlers. Which, you know, is likely to happen when you teach 2-year-olds. Just sayin'.

Really?

2011-05-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading one of my favorite Mommy bloggers talking about how her two-year-old aced his preschool interview. And this is in no way a slam at her, or anyone really, but am I the only one who thinks it’s ridiculous that toddlers have to “interview” for PRESCHOOL? Seriously? As a mother with one year of preschool under my belt, I think I have a good grasp of what goes on there. Play time. Art time. Playground time. Snack time. Circle time. If it were a full day preschool, I’d throw in lunch time and nap time. What is there to interview for? Can you slide down the slide? Scribble with a crayon? Sit on the floor? I mean, I am as big a proponent for education as you will find, but preschool, especially at age 2, is really more about learning to share, be part of a group, follow instructions from the teacher, etc. What do you tell the parents of someone whose child doesn’t make the cut? “We thought he had promise until we saw the way he ate his graham cracker. He leaves too many crumbs.” When I was looking at preschools, I perused websites, talked to friends and co-workers for recommendations and went on a tour. I also considered our budget and the need for it to be close to my parents’ house so my Dad could take him. I found one that fit the bill and it’s been great. They don’t even have a potty training requirement! Which is a good thing because Cash would have flunked the potty portion of the interview with flying colors.

Watch me as I beam

2011-04-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

Last night we were reading Cash's "Hands are not for hitting" book and out of nowhere he says, "I don't touch Lily." (Lily is a little girl in his preschool class.) I asked if he had hit Lily, and he said yes. Of course he also told my Dad that I stuck my finger in a pie at my parents' house this weekend, so I know he's not the best source of information. So I emailed his teacher today and this is what she said:

I must absolutely say Cash has NEVER hit anyone or even raised a hand or took a toy or any conflict! He is a very sweet little boy and gets along with everyone, rest assured he is one of the best listeners in class and we have never had an issue with him hitting or having any type of conflict. No worries!!!

We're still working on teaching him that he can't hit me when he gets scared or upset, but I was thrilled to get such a glowing report from his teacher. I know he lashes out at me because I'm his Mommy and he's most comfortable with me, but I'm confident he will grow out of that.

That's my boy

2011-04-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

As a parent, it is our natural inclination to brag about our children. I could go on and on about how well Cash knows his letters and numbers and colors and yadda, yadda, yadda. But the thing that amazes me the most is his capacity for empathy and kindness. This doesn’t mean he never has moments of toddler selfishness or bossiness, because he totally does, but he just has such a kind and sensitive heart that it’s easy to ignore those moments. He always wants to help. Whether he hears a baby crying or hears a siren going to an accident, his response is “I should go help them.”

When we got home after his ordeal at the hospital getting all his dental work done, the kid thanked me for taking him to the doctor. He is generous with his “I love yous” and “I like yous” and the “Hi Mama, how you been doing todays?” He communicates his feelings and lets me know he is happy, excited, scared. He tells us he misses us and that he is so happy to be home.

I am so proud of him for a million different reasons, but his genuine sweetness is right at the top of the list, and I hope he never loses that.

Quandry

2011-04-06T06:13:00.000-07:00

I need someone to tell me that it’s ok if Jason and I go away for a long weekend (Friday-Monday) to the beach where we got married for our anniversary in October. Without our child. Because our child is not a huge fan of the beach, so when we take him there is virtually no opportunity to just sit on the beach or walk on the beach or dip your toes in the water. And since we’re planning on getting pregnant by the end of this year, there will be precious few chances for us to go away together in the near future. Cash did well when we left him overnight, but that was just one night. This would be THREE nights. Not helping my hesitance is the fact that Cash seems to be in some sort of “fear of Mommy leaving” phase. Every day when I drop him off at my parents’ house he says, “Mommy’s going to leave me here.” Last night he wouldn’t go to sleep because he kept saying “Mommy’s going to go away.” I think there’s a combination of things going on. He’s had a cold, and as everyone knows, you only want your mommy when you’re sick. I went to see Jason’s band play on Monday night and didn’t pick him up until 9:00. He went to Jason’s parents’ house yesterday and wasn’t home until 8:00. So there hasn’t been a lot of quality Mommy time in the past few days. But this weekend we are going to an Easter egg hunt and to the mall for pictures with the Easter Bunny, so maybe we can ditch the Mommy-leaving anxiety. Or maybe it’s just a toddler thing that will work itself out. Signed, President of the Mommy Guilt Club of America

Things and Stuff

2011-03-29T12:18:00.000-07:00

Wow, it’s been a long time since I wrote here. Cash’s dental surgery is scheduled for April 15th. He was running a fever last night so I’m keeping an eye on that to make sure we get him to the doctor in time if he needs any antibiotics because if he’s sick, they won’t do the procedure and who knows how much longer we’ll have to wait to get it rescheduled. Ugh. Barney Live this weekend! Um, woot? I think it’s possible that maybe we will be able to start the home buying process this summer. Knock wood, hold your breath, etc. In the meantime, I spend lots of time drooling over houses on the interweb. Army Wives last night left me a sobbing mess on my sofa. I love that show, but man, it can be tough to watch. My sister is coming to visit in May, so yay for that. And we are going to PA to visit friends in May as well, so May is shaping up to be a good month. Now if the weather will just realize that it is almost freaking April and bump up the thermostat a little, I’ll be good to go.

What insurance?

2011-02-28T10:50:00.001-08:00

Just found out the annual maximum on our dental insurance is $1,250. Nice.

Ugh – Part 2

2011-02-28T10:12:00.000-08:00

That was one hell of a first dentist appointment. Cash needs to have two caps and six fillings on his upper teeth. He will have to be put under general anesthesia in a hospital to have this done. And before we can even schedule it, we have to pay $3,300 up front. Most of that will be reimbursed through my dental insurance, but right now we’re in a mad scramble to scrape up money on credit cards and will probably have to borrow the rest – if we can find anyone in our families who can loan it to us.

Clearly I feel like Mom of the Year, although apparently the damage to the back teeth was not preventable and the teeth just came in that way. According to the dentist, the damage to the front four could have been prevented if we had brought him in at one year, which is what they recommend. I don’t know who “they” is because my doctor has never once mentioned taking Cash to a dentist, even after noticing his weak enamel. It seems we just were not doing a good enough job brushing his teeth when those front four were coming in, so there was some early decay. I didn’t mention it to the dentist, but I wonder how much of that early damage was due to Cash’s all-night nursing marathons when he was younger. Doesn’t matter much now anyway, as the damage has been done, and now we just have to fix it.

So if anyone out there has three grand they don’t need for a while, I’m taking donations.

Ugh

2011-02-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

Monday I will take Cash to his first dentist appointment. Not because I randomly decided it was time for a checkup but because I have noticed some things that are concerning me. (More like driving me batty with worry, but hey, let’s stick with concerned.) At his two-year checkup his doctor mentioned seeing signs of weakening enamel. He didn’t seem very concerned and said to stop using sippy cups (done!) and keep juice and other sugary beverages to a minimum (done!). Fast-forward to this weekend when Cash opens his mouth and I notice a light brownish stain on one of his upper teeth (a canine I think). WTF? I thought maybe it was from something he had eaten, so I check it again the next day – still there, and I also notice the same thing on the tooth behind it. Now I was in total freak-out mode. I mean, we brush this kid’s teeth twice a day, every day, and he doesn’t eat or drink any more sugar than any other 2-year-old, so what is going on? So I made the appointment with a pediatric dentist as soon as they could get us in, placed a frantic phone call to a friend of mine who is a dental hygienist, and began Googling. Friend consulted her dentist, who said it’s probably just an enamel defect and will not impact his permanent teeth. Husband reminds me that he had a ton of problems with bad tooth enamel as a kid, and his permanent teeth are perfect. Google tells me I have been poisoning my child with fluoride because I switched to a fluoride toothpaste despite the fact that he has not mastered spitting. So basically I am no closer to knowing what the hell is going on, but I’m hoping the dentist knows and that whatever it is can be fixed. As of right now, you have to look really closely to even see anything, and I’d like to keep it that way. No one wants to go through childhood with bad teeth. Thankfully I have dental insurance and whatever needs to be done will get done.

Can I also mention that this child screams and cries when the doctor looks in his ears and when he gets a haircut? I do not have high hopes for the dentist visit.

I am also wondering if I need to check with his pediatric cardiologist because of his heart murmur. I know that some people with murmurs need to be on antibiotics before getting any dental work done. His doctor has never mentioned this, and in fact has said that his murmur is so tiny we should basically forget that it’s even there, but still. I might call the nurse just in case...

Dear god I’m a basket case.

Weekend Redux

2011-02-21T05:25:00.000-08:00

Took Cash to a 4-year-old’s birthday party where he was taller than the birthday boy. Met with more “He’s only 2?! Are you kidding me? What do you feed him?” comments. It doesn’t bother me, but I sort of wonder when/if it will start to bother Cash that people are always commenting on his size. I’d be worried if he was a porker, but he isn’t. He’s just very tall and broad and solid. There are some very tall people in our bloodline and clearly he picked up on their genetics. I just hope he will be proud of it and not self-conscious because of all the attention and comments.

In the same vein, we were at Toys R Us (getting gift for said birthday boy) and Cash was playing at the train table when another boy, clearly older than Cash based on the way he spoke, his apparent ability to read all the names of the Thomas toys on display, and the fact that his Mom mentioned just taking him to the bathroom, but also smaller than Cash. Now don’t get me wrong, I think Cash speaks wonderfully for a boy his age, but when the world at large thinks your kid is at least 4 when he is actually 2, sometimes you get strange looks. Jason seems to be a bit more bothered by this than me, but it does concern me a little. I just hate to think that people will expect more of him than he can give because he looks so much older. But there isn’t really much we can do about that since I don’t think he’s going to shrink.

I am, however, always proud of the way he behaves in public situations. Aside from swiping a tortilla chip off of a woman’s plate, he was a perfect gentleman at the party. When they opened the piñata and told the kids to pick up candy and put some in their bags, he walked over, picked up one piece, and walked away. Jason had to go with him to convince him to pick up more. (I would have been fine with the one piece, but all the adults kept telling him to go get more. Whatever – we threw it away anyway.) We went to the mall to let him play in the play zone and he wanted to go ride the little coin-operated rides in the food court. So we went down there and he rode a few and when I told him we were done because I ran out of quarters, he happily walked away with me to go get Jason (in the music store of course). His cranky behavior usually only shows up when he is tired or scared. There was a loud robotic dinosaur thing at the party that freaked him out, and he raised his hand like he was going to hit me. I understand that he is just freaked out and exercising his fight or flight response, but I’d rather he choose flight than fight.

At dinner Saturday night he told me that Miss Phyllis (his preschool teacher) is his best best friend. How cute is that? I am so glad we stuck with school. It took him a while to adjust but he clearly loves it there now and is learning a lot. While washing his hands this weekend, he counted to 10 before stopping and looked at me and said “Miss Phyllis taught me that.” LOVE!

There's a toad in the road, we will have to unload

2011-02-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

I intend to write here much more often than I do. Not a day goes by that Cash doesn't do or say something I want to record, to hold onto so that I don't forget. At the same time, as he gets older it gets harder and harder to do him justice in writing. He's just so sweet and funny and smart and wonderful and I know the little snippets I post here can't possibly bring all that to life. But I still need to get them down on paper (well, on screen) so here goes.

He calls lettuce "salad."

He loves to sit on the potty but has yet to actually do anything in it. But he will sit there and say "I going pee pee in the potty."

He narrates everything. I think he's making up for all that time when he wasn't talking. Our day is filled with exclamations like "I'm eating!" "I'm at Paw-Paw's house!" "I'm riding in Mama's car!"

He is full of questions. "Who's that Jeep?" "Can I go in that house?" "What does that spell?"

He tells long, rambling stories about things that happen at school, which I can sometimes piece together into something that makes sense. "I was holding Abby's hand and we go around around on the playground but I couldn't give Miss Phyllis a hug."

He continues to astound strangers with his size. I mean, I realize he's a big kid for his age, but seriously people. He was striking up a conversation with some guys in a restaurant at lunch today and they asked how old he is and I said 2. The one guy was like "Are you kidding me? I would have said at least 4." Then his other friend came back to the table and he goes, "Hey man, how old would you say that kid is?" He's a big kid. We get it.

There are still times when he seems so small. I was watching him sit on the kitchen floor with his legs tucked under him playing with his magnetic letters (which he was calling numbers. "And here's number Q and number I and number H!") and he just looked so little.

He remembers things long after you think he's forgotten. He can look at a picture from our beach trip and say "That was our room at the hotel at the beach" and then launch into the story about how Becky took him down to the beach and a wave came up and got his feet wet.

He wants to give everyone hugs and kisses. Thomas, Barney, the fish in the fish tank at the doctor's office, his trucks, characters in books, everyone. He truly has a good heart.

There is nothing sweeter in this world than his little baby voice saying, "Love you, Mama." And nothing more pitiful than "I'm sorry, Mama" when he has to apologize for something.

He is apparently quite a fan of The Price is Right (Thanks, Paw-Paw.) When he sees it on TV he says "Price is Right! Come on down!" Sometimes he will pick up one of his Hot Wheels and say "A brand new car!"

He knows that he is a boy and Daddy is a boy and Mama is a girl. He also knows the names of the corresponding parts.

He has gotten much more independent and confident since he started preschool.

I'm very, very proud of him.

Shudder

2011-02-03T07:34:00.000-08:00

This story scares me to death: http://www.roanoke.com/news/roanoke/wb/275787. And not because we live anywhere near a pond, because we don’t. But it just goes to show how things can go so wrong so fast. I’m sure many people’s initial reaction, including my own, is to think, “What is wrong with those parents?! Where were they?” And maybe it will turn out that they are neglectful and it’s their fault. Or maybe they are just parents of an unpredictable toddler (aren’t they all?) who assumed he would never venture down to the pond because he never had before. Are we not all guilty of that sometimes? Cash is an awesome kid who I generally do not worry about getting into things. He doesn’t try to turn on the stove or go searching for sharp objects in kitchen drawers or stick things into light sockets. But does that mean he never will? When I’m home alone with Cash and need to take a shower, is there any guarantee that he won’t find some way to injure himself while I’m in there? What would people say about me if he did? The fact is that we simply cannot have our eyes on our children every second of every day. At the end of the day, I am so, so glad that this little boy was ok and I hope it was just a horrible accident and that his parents are good parents. And if they aren’t, I hope the investigation shows that and he is placed in a more suitable home. And I’ll just have to keep hoping that nothing like that ever happens to us.

Priorities

2011-01-19T09:46:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things we value as parents and how our choices reflect those values. I know I had a lot of ideas about what would and wouldn’t be important to me when I was pregnant. Some of those things changed (drastically) and some didn’t. Some things never even occurred to me to be concerned about until Cash was here. That’s why whenever someone who is pregnant asks for my advice or opinion on something, I always tell them to follow their instincts, surround themselves with people whose advice they trust, and realize that different things are important to different parents. A few examples:

You would be hard-pressed to find something labeled “organic” in my kitchen. Not because I’m anti-organic, but because those things are typically a lot more expensive and not always offered in the store I shop in. And I refuse to spend hours of my precious time, which is already in short supply, driving around town to different stores. It’s just not that important to me. In our house, as long as you’re eating a variety of foods, including fruits and veggies and whole grains, and you wash the apple before you eat it, you’re good. This was not how I envisioned I would be. I had grand plans to make homemade baby foods for Cash from fresh, organically grown produce. And then I realized that the extra time and effort really wasn’t worth it to me. I did buy Gerber Organic and Earth’s Best baby food, and I felt ok with that. Some parents are super committed to an organic lifestyle, and I salute them for making that work. But I don’t feel bad that I didn’t.

Breastfeeding. One of the most controversial, hard-fought issues in the “Mommy wars.” I started out with the attitude that I would try it, and if it didn’t work, I would switch to formula and not look back. I really had no idea how difficult it can be in the beginning, but sometime in those first few weeks, my outlook completely changed. I really, really wanted to nurse Cash. The idea of giving up made me dissolve into tears and near hysterics. Fortunately, we were able to make it work, although he was not 100% breastfed. He nursed whenever he was with me, but we always left some formula at my Dad’s house in case what I had pumped was not enough. I never pumped more than about 3-4 ounces at a time, so he usually did require at least one bottle of formula during the day. And I’m ok with that too. Here we are still nursing at 2 ½, which a lot of people think is weird. They’re entitled to feel that way. Personally, I try not to get too riled up about how people feed their kids, as long as they are feeding them. To some Moms, nursing is super important and they will keep trying until they make it work. For others, it’s not that important and they’d rather use formula. Whatever you have to do to retain your sanity and be the best Mom you can be is ok in my book. I do think it’s sad when a Mom who truly does want to make it work doesn’t get the support and help she needs to do that. Every Mom should have the opportunity to make breastfeeding work for her if it’s important to her. After that, if she chooses not to, it’s her decision completely.

Sleep. Oh, the millions of articles and books and websites devoted to baby sleep and sleep “training.” I agonized over this. Cash was not a “good” sleeper by others’ definition. He was not a baby you could tuck into bed at 7 p.m. and expect a full 8 hours of sleep. So we co-slept. It is not what I thought we would do, but hey, you gotta sleep. He got to nuzzle up to a warm body, free access to nurse on demand, and Jason and I got sleep. Win, Win, Win. I think that’s what saved me from the “Newborn stage is Hell” mentality that so many Moms have. I remember sleeping in until 10 when I was at home on maternity leave, Cash and I snug in bed, him nursing off and on. It was awesome. As he’s gotten older, he has chosen to sleep in his own bed instead of ours, but I still end up in there with him at some point during the night. Mostly because I have to work the next day and I don’t want to fully wake up enough to soothe him back to sleep, then go back to my own bed and have to fall asleep all over again. So if I hear him waking up, I just go in there and lay down next to him. Problem solved. To me, knowing that he feels safe and secure and is not afraid to go to bed is much more important than sleeping in a separate bed. The time will come all too quickly when he will not want me within 10 feet of his room, so it’s ok by me if he wants me in there to snuggle. Some parents are gung-ho about making sure their kids are independent and can put themselves to sleep. It’s just not important to me.

Discipline. We don’t spank. Ever. That’s a rule at our house. As I mentioned previously, we have an issue with Cash hitting out of frustration, and the last thing we want to do is reinforce that hitting is appropriate under any circumstances. Mostly, we try to teach rather than “discipline” but he does have to go sit in his room if he’s done something particularly aggregious. I make it a point to tell him when he’s done something right. “Thank you for being so patient while we waited in line.” “Thank you for being so nice and polite at the restaurant.” That way he knows what he’s supposed to do, not just what he’s not supposed to do. We do a lot of explaining and “How would you feel if someone did that?” etc. I want him to learn how to behave, not how to avoid a punishment. Not that there won’t ever be punishments, but hopefully they teach a lesson instead of just encouraging him not to get caught the next time.

These are just a few examples of some of the big issues that face parents all the time, and how your opinions may change when you are actually faced with them in real life. Knowing what I know now, I hope to be much less anxious the next go-round, and just do what is right for us without wondering what everyone else thinks is “right.”

A Glimpse into My Life

2011-01-11T08:03:00.000-08:00

I just purchased two books on Amazon: Hands Are Not for Hitting and Diapers Are Not Forever. That should give you a good idea what life is like in our house.

The hitting thing is really getting to me. Cash is the sweetest kid, and I have never seen him act out toward another child or, really, anyone besides me, Jason and my Dad. No coincidence that we are his primary caregivers and thus the ones making him do horrible things like stop watching Barney to brush his teeth. I bear the brunt of it, probably because I am Mommy and Mommy will always love you even if you are mean to her. Which is true. But I would really rather not be hit on the arm because Daddy told you not to run through the house with food in your mouth. And what gets me the most is that he KNOWS he isn’t supposed to do it. Each and every time he hits (or pushes, which also happens), he follows it by saying “Don’t hit Mama.” So he knows he isn’t supposed to do it, but he can’t help himself. And I get that 2-year-olds are not exactly models of impulse control. I think one issue has been our response when he does hit. We always remind him that we don’t hit because it hurts people and make him apologize. And if he’s done it a couple of times already, then he has to go sit in his room by himself for two minutes. (We don’t call it a time-out but that’s what it is.) Do we need to give him a time out every single time he hits? Should we be giving him time-outs at all? Is there some other tactic I am completely missing? I don’t know. I’m hoping the book helps.

As far as the diaper one, well, that’s just a shot in the dark to try to peak his interest in the potty. Which is at right about zero right now. I’m still not ready to start really pushing the potty issue, but I figured it couldn’t hurt.

2010

2011-01-03T11:09:00.000-08:00

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Got married!
Took Cash to speech therapy.
Started Cash in preschool.
Bought an SUV.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t even remember if I made any. Probably to lose weight, which I did, but then gained it right back. I must confess to making that same one this year in what I’m calling the 2011 Weight Loss Initiative, but this time I have a much bigger incentive – trying for another baby at the end of this year. It would be highly ill advised for me to add on another pregnancy’s worth of weight on top of the extra pounds I’m currently carrying around.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! Annie and Luke both came into the world in 2010, and we’ve got a few more on tap for 2011.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness. Unless you count Rue McClanahan.

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More energy. More patience. More presence.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 9, 2010 – Jason and I got married.
November 6, 2010 – our reception with all the friends and family who couldn’t come to the beach.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having exactly the wedding I wanted – intimate, relaxed and fun – without ever uttering the words, “It’s MY day!” like so many Bridezillas I’ve seen on TV.

Also not saying some of the things I wanted to say to people who were rude, selfish or otherwise tried to ruin MY day. :)

9. What was your biggest failure?
Still carrying around baby weight from 2008. Not making time to exercise and take care of myself.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just run of the mill colds. Oh, and my first migraine. Bleh.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The disc with all the photographs from our wedding.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Rent.

13. What did you get really excited about?
The wedding. Cash’s speech explosion.

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Never Tear Us Apart by INXS – the song Jason and I danced to at our reception.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Happier
– thinner or fatter? I plead the 5th.
– richer or poorer? About the same.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise. Read. Sleep. Spend time alone with Jason. Spend one on one time with my friends, even if it's just a cup of coffee.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worry.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
With our families, just like I like it, even if it is chaos.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Army Wives and Criminal Minds

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
See #16. I need to make more time to read books that do not involve dump trucks, Diego or Dr. Seuss.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?
I recently discovered Florence and the Machine, who I love. On the flip side, if I never hear another Katy Perry or Taylor Swift song, it will be too soon.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Sex and the City 2. That may be the only one I saw…

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned the big 3-0. Jason and I went to dinner together, and I got together for an afternoon of Steel Magnolias and junk food with my girls.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If my sister had gotten pregnant.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
If it’s clean and fits, it passes the test.

26. What kept you sane?
Jason and Cash. Coincidentally, they also sometimes drive me insane. :) But I couldn’t love them more if I tried.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. 
Don’t choose a wedding day hairdresser on the internet. And if you do, believe everyone when they tell you it looks great.

Christmas and Diapers

2010-12-27T08:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas at our house (and the three other houses we visited) was fabulous. Everyone loved their gifts, Cash had a great time, and everyone loves an excited kid at Christmas. My cheeks literally hurt from smiling as I watched him ride his roller coaster “Really, super fast!” It was awesome.

One small event called my attention to a growing problem – Cash is outgrowing his size 6 diapers. He is 2 ½, completely uninterested in big boy underwear and using the potty, and HATES pull-ups. I had to change him at my Nana’s house and all I had in my purse was a pull-up. Oh, the screaming that ensued. My child, you see, is a creature of habit and it takes him some time to adjust to new things. He likes the comfortable and the familiar. He knows all about diapers. He does not want to know about these pull-ups or this “underwear.” And really, it doesn’t bother me. He will eventually learn to use the potty. I’m not worried about sending him to Kindergarten in diapers. But here’s the thing – he’s a big kid. And I don’t mean that like “Oh, you’re not a baby anymore, you’re a big kid.” I mean he weighs 38 pounds and is nearly 40 inches tall. The size 6 Pampers are getting a bit snug. And no stores sell anything bigger than size 6. So now I have to decide whether I want to force him to wear Pull-Ups or start ordering size 7s on Amazon. Ah, the joys of parenting.

Ho Ho Ho!

2010-12-20T06:12:00.001-08:00

I have attempted to write at least three blog entries over the past few weeks and just ended up giving up on them. This time I’m determined to get something new up here to replace my nervous breakdown post. Things have actually been wonderful at our house since then. Cash (knock wood) is finally better, which will probably last until he goes back to preschool after New Year’s. But a healthy child is a child who sleeps, and that really is what we all needed. Of course, it’s Christmas and Cash is way into Santa and the whole thing this year, which has made it even more awesome. I was sad that his preschool Christmas program was postponed due to snow because the boy sings a heck of a rendition of Jingle Bells. We got some sledding in yesterday, which he loved. He kept saying “I’m out in the snow! I sled down the hill and go fast!”

I am seriously excited about seeing his little head explode with the joy of Christmas morning. There is honestly nothing I love more than when my house looks like Toys R Us exploded. I know that sounds nuts, but I just remember that awesome feeling as a kid, when you look around at all your new stuff and you don’t even know what to play with first. Sure, it’s materialistic, but I also took Cash with me shopping for a Salvation Army angel and explained to him that some little boys and girls are not as lucky as he is and since we are fortunate enough to have such a great Christmas, it’s up to us to help them have a great Christmas too. And I know he’s only two, but he sort of got it. I was showing Jason the things I’d purchased and Cash said “Those are for a little boy.” So yeah, he gets spoiled rotten, but he’s also learning about giving something back. And honestly, the majority of the spoiling will be done by the rest of my family. We got him three main gifts (Step2 roller coaster, easel with art supplies and play rug to drive his cars on) and a few small things (tanker truck, which is the only thing he actually asked for, bath squirters, Hot wheels) and the rest of the insanity will happen at the other THREE houses we visit. The gifts I know about: Little People house, Little People helipad/airport thing, remote control tanker truck, giant ambulance, Fisher Price Racin’ Ramp Garage, Barney DVDs (God help us but he loves the purple dinosaur), Diego play set with rescue pack, toy laptop, books, pj’s, and I have no idea what else. Oh, and my sister sent a puppet theater and two sets of puppets. See above re: Toys R Us exploding.

Merry Christmas! May Toys R Us explode at your house too!

And...break

2010-11-19T07:13:00.000-08:00

I’ve never been the kind of mother who talks constantly about needing a break. I see a lot of that on facebook and usually I think “Meh. I don’t see the big deal. I like hanging out with my kid.” And that’s true – I do like hanging out with my kid. But as I sat on Cash’s bed last night, sobbing in unison with him, it hit me – I need to take more time for myself. And by “more” time, I mean ANY AT ALL. Other than my biweekly trips to the grocery store, I get precious little time to myself, when no one needs anything from me. I start at 6 a.m. and do not stop until…well, I don’t stop. If Cash is asleep, there are things that need to be cleaned, clothes that need to be washed, or “wifely duties” to perform. As I attempted to use the bathroom this morning with a two-year-old literally clinging to my neck I thought, “Something has got to change.” This is not healthy. So I’m going to check out a local gym that’s really cheap and doesn’t require a contract (or at least that’s what I’ve heard). I don’t have a ton of extra money, but a nervous breakdown would probably cost a lot more. I just need some time to put in my earbuds and tune out everything and everyone. Because if I don’t, I’m going to continue to be snippy and short with my husband and my son, and that is not the wife and mother I want to be. Jason has never hesitated about taking time to himself to play music, so I am going to stop hesitating about taking time to myself. It doesn’t mean I love my family any less, but, as cheesy as it sounds, I need to love me too. And if I happen to lose a few pounds, well, that wouldn’t be so bad either.

That's My Boy

2010-11-09T12:46:00.000-08:00

Well, it’s safe to say I no longer worry about Cash’s language skills. The kid never stops talking and repeats EVERYTHING. No sooner than you hit the door, it’s “Come on, Mama. Let’s play trucks and cars in Cash’s room.” Although he pronounces his name “Tash” which is too cute. Some other Cash-isms that I want to record for posterity:

Cay-yup = Carry up. (Meaning, pick me up)

Pick you up = Also means pick me up. Pronouns are hard.

He ends most requests with “Yeah.” Play trucks and cars, yeah. Play play play-doh, yeah. Get boobie on sofa, yeah. More chocolate milk, yeah.

Whenever we tell him no, or even just to hold on, he will moan pitifully, “I can’t (fill in the blank).” I can’t have M&Ms. I can’t play with mini-cooper. I can’t get boobie. I can’t give Mama a hug. (That one kills me, but you know, when you’re in the car seat and I’m driving, you’re right, you can’t give Mama a hug.)

He loves beans so much that inevitably when you ask him what he wants to eat, it will involve beans. Mac and beans. Hot dog and beans. Candy and beans. (Nice try, kid.) If it’s not beans, it’s biscuits with apple butter.

He asks for my help with things he is perfectly capable of doing. And he only does this to me. “Mama help you eat biscuit.” “Mama pick it up.” “Mama carry you.” “Mommy do it.” I thought this was the age when they wanted to do everything for themselves?

He wants to sleep in his own bed, but he wants me in there with him. I am not thrilled with this arrangement, as my bed is bigger and more comfortable. We’re working on it.

He is working on self-control. There are times when I can just see the gears turning. He really wants to throw the car, but he sits it down gently instead. He raises his hand to hit, then says, “Don’t hit mama” and stops. Of course, sometimes the realization comes too late and he throws the car first and then says, “Don’t throw car.”

I am amazed every day at how smart he is and how far he came so quickly. From a kid who barely had a handful of words to one who sings songs, knows his entire alphabet, counts, knows passages of books from memory, and says “Gesundheit!” when someone sneezes. I can’t even imagine what he’s going to say or do next.

Pictures!!

2010-10-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

Quite possibly the best wedding pictures EVER. Not that I'm biased or anything.

http://beachpeople.zenfolio.com/p566933333

There are 202 pictures. It's easiest to watch them in slideshow mode.
http://beachpeople.zenfolio.com/p566933333/slideshow

Goin’ to the chapel

2010-10-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

Well that went by fast. All that planning and in a flash, it’s over. (Although truth be told, I didn’t do all that much planning.) We went to the beach. We got married. We’re home. As Monica said on Friends, “I’m not a bride anymore. Now I’m just someone’s wife.” Although that’s not 100% true either – we still have our reception coming up for all the friends and family who didn’t come to the ceremony, so I’ll kind of get to play the bride role one more time. So here’s the rundown of everything I can remember. (See above re: goes by so fast!)

Our resort was awesome. It will probably be the place we go for family vacations year after year. Amazing views, swimming pools, hot tubs, a lazy river – what’s not to like?

My sister wins the Best Big Sister Ever Award. Aside from her paying for our (expensive!) wedding cake for the reception, traveling from Illinois to South Carolina, and buying me a Coach purse, she delivered one of the best Maid of Honor toasts I’ve ever heard. I’m just sad she won’t be at our reception to give it in front of a bigger audience. But I’m going to find a way to share it with everyone, even if I have to stand up and give it myself.

My dad got choked up when he gave me away. I knew he would, but it was still hard to witness.

Our ceremony was exactly what we wanted. Relaxed, funny, not too long. I wasn’t the least bit nervous or anxious. Jason played a beautiful instrumental song he wrote on the guitar as I walked down the aisle. The whole thing was very “us.”

The weather was gorgeous. All the hand-wringing our mothers did over hurricanes and other meteorological disasters was for naught. We got married at 5:45, just before sunset, and it could not have been more beautiful.

Random beach-goers yelled and hooted their approval at our nuptials.

I felt beautiful in my dress. It fit perfectly, and I was comfortable in it because I refused to encase myself in any girdle-like contraptions. Nothing came between me and my dress but a simple pair of flesh-toned underwear.

I remember standing on my parents’ balcony, looking down as Jason and everyone gathered on the beach. It was just my sister, Cash and me. I saw Jason and got butterflies – he looked so incredibly handsome.

They always say something will go wrong, and my wedding was no exception. My two somethings:
I didn’t like my hair. I guess that’s the risk you take when you choose a hairdresser on the internet. I’m hoping for a better turnout when I have my regular hairdresser do my hair for the reception.

Cash was not the best wedding guest. My Dad had to carry him down the aisle instead of him holding my hand. For most of the ceremony, Jason or I held him. When I had to put him down, he commenced a big ol’ screaming fit and one of my aunts had to take him up to the room. I know it’s not his fault because he was sick and does not like being that close to the ocean, but I had hoped for a better reaction. Oh well, he’s two. What can you do?

All in all, I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. It was exactly the wedding we wanted. Minus the hair and toddler tantrum, that is.

%$#*@&!!!!!

2010-10-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

I am sick! Did you read that right? SICK. As in, chills, sore throat, general malaise – two days before we leave for the beach. Five days before my wedding day. Needless to say, I have been mainlining Vitamin C, Zicam, Sudafed and whatever else I can get my hands on, including some antibiotics my Mom had leftover from a dental visit (But you didn’t hear that from me). I have no shame. I would shower in Echinacea right now if I could. So if you have some kind of magic cold remedy, now would be the time to share it. Did I mention I’m picking up my sister from the airport today and she is supposed to stay at our house? And that Cash is sick too? And that I haven’t packed yet? And that I have a gazillion things to get done at work before tomorrow at 5 p.m.? Yeah.

Braggart

2010-09-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

I was going to begin by saying “I hate to brag, but…” but that’s not true. I love to brag! When it comes to Cash, anyway. And not in a way that’s intended to be hurtful, just in a “Man, I’m so proud of that kid” kind of way. So now that we’ve cleared that up, here, in no particular order, are a few of the things that have made me swell with pride, as opposed to water weight, recently:

He’s polite. He says “Bless you” when people sneeze and “Thank you” when someone gives him something and “Welcome” when someone thanks him. Not 100% of the time, mind you, but a good majority.

He’s awesome at his ABCs. He doesn’t know how to sing the song, but he can correctly identify every single letter and tell you which sounds most of them make. Last night he kept pointing out letters on the computer screen when we were looking at pictures of him on facebook, so I opened up a Word document and just typed random letters in no particular order and he knew all of them!

He counts. He can count to five correctly, but sometimes you get “One…two…three…eight…four…nineteen!” which is way more adorable.

Out of nowhere he started singing Row, row, row your boat the other night, which I assume he learned at preschool.

He shares. This morning he handed me a piece of his pancake; the other day he shared his pretzel goldfish with me. We very rarely hear the old toddler standby – “Mine!”

He talks. He talks! Not just pointing and labeling, but real, multi-word sentences. “Mama come too?” “Ready for night night.” “Daddy not home yet.” “Mama car is gray.” “All the way in there!”

He notices everything. He came home on Sunday to find I had put new sheets and a new comforter on the bed and he said “Ooooh.” He walked by the bathtub and saw a new can of shaving gel and said “New!”

He remembers everything. He will pick up a car I bought for him while we were out together and say “Paid for it.” And I say yes, we paid for it, and he says “Thank you!” because I told him we always say thank-you to the people at the store when we buy something.

I could probably go on and on, because his very existence makes me proud, but I’m sure all three of you who read this have better things to do. :)

File this under: Duh!

2010-09-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

Spanking and hitting children causes anxiety. http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/2010/09/27/spanking-and-hitting-children-causes-anxiety/#more-39829

Um, you think? If someone hit you every time you made a mistake, wouldn't you be anxious?

Perfect Moments

2010-09-27T06:00:00.001-07:00

This is a cool idea: http://weebleswobblog.com/category/perfect-moment. I think if we all stopped to take notice, we’d find a lot more “perfect moments” in our lives than we might think.

Yesterday mine was snuggling on the sofa with Cash, listening to the rain and watching Blue’s Clues. Unfortunately we didn’t get a picture of that. So instead, I will share a picture of Cash and Jason on Cash’s first fishing excursion on Saturday. I wasn’t there to see it because I was bachelorette partying it up, but I’m glad we got some good pictures. I love this one:

G'day Mate!

2010-09-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

Cash had a good day at preschool today! I picked him up and he was all smiles, no runny nose, no dried tear tracks on his cheeks. His teacher said he had a great day. He calmed down easily after my Dad left and the only time he cried was when they had to leave the room for music class. So one of the teachers took him back to the classroom and played with him in there. But other than that, he talked and laughed and participated in all the activities! Woot!

I’m a little nervous about what will happen when he misses a week while we’re at the beach. I asked if I could bring him in Monday and Tuesday of that week, but they already have the maximum number of children in there that they are allowed to have. Let’s hope we’re not back at square one when we get back! I’m going to make an effort to take him to the playground at his school so he doesn’t forget about it and maybe it won’t be such a shock when he goes back. I really wish a spot would open up in the 5-day a week class so it would become a part of his everyday routine. Oh well, today was a good day and that’s enough for now! :)

Lather, rinse, repeat

2010-09-16T12:36:00.001-07:00

Once again I arrive to pick Cash up at preschool and he is playing happily. He doesn’t notice me when I walk in, and when I announce myself, he smiles and says “Mama!” without a hint of woe. I’m thinking yay, he had a better day! I am wrong. His teacher says he cried almost all morning long. He was happy outside, and even though he was upset, he participated in art and snack time. But he cried. A lot. I just can’t figure it out. Every time we talk about school he is happy and excited and never seems as though he doesn’t want to go. In fact, today right in front of the teacher I asked him if he liked school and got an enthusiastic “Yeah!” I asked if he was ready to go and he pointed to the room and said “School. Tash.” Like duh, Mom, I belong here at school.

One of his teachers suggested bringing him in 10-15 minutes later in the morning, so he misses all the chaos of drop-off, the children crying, etc. Maybe if things are more settled and calm when he arrives, he will do better. So we’ll try that tomorrow and hope for the best.

Terrible my foot

2010-09-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

I’d be lying if I said I never miss the snuggly sweetness of newborn Cash, but man, 2 ¼ is turning out to be a really awesome age. His verbal skills are growing by leaps and bounds and I LOVE hearing his sweet little baby voice ask for pancakes and tell me his nose has snot in it and, of course, “Wuv you Mama” just slays me. He’s just good company. I like hanging out with him. He has this hilarious habit of asking for something and when I repeat it back “Oh, you want to watch Diego?” he says “Otay!” like it was my idea all along. I took him to Toys R Us this past weekend and he wandered around looking at things, every once in a while remarking, “Ooooh,” but never demanding anything. We went to see my Aunt, who had just bought a bunch of little matchbox cars at a yard sale, and you would have thought he had seen Nirvana itself. He played and played with those little cars, driving them around the table, parking them, backing them up and making “beep beep” sounds. He’s getting better at occupying himself for longer periods of time. He still loves to give hugs, which I never get tired of. He’s over his brief bath time hatred, thank goodness. He has preferences for what he wears and would wear his Go Diego Go shirt every day if we let him. He surprised the heck out of me when he climbed to the top of the big playground equipment all by himself. He remembers everything. He showed me a little race car the other day and said “Birthday.” I said yes, you got that for your birthday from our friend Beth, and he said “John” and I said that’s right, Beth is John’s Mama. He’s just a really sweet, smart kid and I love being his Mom.

This is where you tell me it will all be OK

2010-09-10T11:24:00.000-07:00

It’s funny the dichotomy of viewpoints I have about Cash starting school. He was fine when I dropped him off yesterday and fine when I picked him up. My Dad said he was fine this morning when he dropped him off, and he appeared fine when I picked him up. However, at some point during the three hours that he’s there (or several points, actually) he gets upset and cries. From what the teachers tell me, it is mostly caused by other children crying. When they cry, Cash cries. His teacher said he was a little harder to console today than yesterday but that the crying was off and on, mostly feeding off of other children who were crying. He’s happy when they go outside and will usually calm down if they can either get the original crying child to calm down or get his attention focused on another activity. And while I’m glad he is sensitive to the feelings of others, I wish he was maybe a smidge less sensitive. And probably with time, he will become that way. He is, after all, an only child who has never been to daycare or a babysitter, etc. He doesn’t understand that kids cry sometimes and it doesn’t mean something horrible has happened.

His other teacher, whose daughter started at this preschool last year, told me that her daughter cried every day for a long time, but eventually, she stopped. This was only his second day. This is a huge adjustment for him and several other children in the class who have never been in this kind of environment before. So here is where I basically need others to echo back to me what I already know:

· It’s only the second day. He needs time to adjust. When we first started speech therapy, he started crying as soon as we pulled into the parking lot, but after a few weeks, he loved going there.
· He seems to like it. He gets excited when we talk about school and wants to go back.
· He is also adjusting to a new schedule. He frequently took a morning nap at my Dad’s house, which he can’t do at preschool, so it may be an issue of him being tired.
· He’s not feeling well today. Between allergies and the change in weather, he’s congested and has a runny nose.
· It’s only the second day.
· Preschool will be good for him. He will make friends and learn a lot and have fun.
· Only the second day!

September 9

2010-09-09T10:51:00.000-07:00

Well, today was the big day. I was literally sick to my stomach all morning. And still a little bit now even. Cash ate a good breakfast (half an egg and cheese sandwich and a cup of pears) and looked very handsome in his first day outfit and Elmo backpack. He refused to wear his new tennis shoes, saying they were “hot” so we stuck with the Tevas. He was very excited about “dool” and the cars they have there and the little boy he met named Mac and the fact that London would be there. We met up with London and her Mimi outside the school before they opened the doors and I got a few shots of them together on the steps. At 9:00 I walked him to his classroom, where we found his teacher setting out paper and crayons for everyone. She saw Cash and went to get the tub of cars and trucks. I liked that she remembered they were his favorite. I asked him where I had to go now and he said “work.” So I told him I would be back to get him at lunchtime and I loved him, and I left. No tears from either of us, amazingly enough.

My Dad met me at the school at noon so the teachers could meet him and would know Cash wasn’t being abducted when some strange man comes to pick him up. We peeked in the door and saw Cash, backpack on, playing with trucks at the table. I was relieved that he wasn’t crying. However, once we got in, I saw the remnants of tears and snot on his face, so clearly there was some crying today. His teacher said that he and London sort of fed off each other so that when she got upset, he would get upset. London was crying when we got there at noon because her Mimi wasn’t there yet and seemed like she had a bit of a hard time. The teacher said he was happy and excited when they went outside to play and that he was ok when they could get him focused on the trucks, but whenever London cried, he cried. So hopefully they will both adjust soon and neither one will cry!

I expected some tears on the first day, and I asked him if he liked school and he giggled, which is Cash speak for yes. So I feel good about that. Tomorrow my Dad will take him and I (hopefully – if I can leave work on time) will pick him up. Fingers crossed for an even better day tomorrow!

As a footnote – exactly one month to the wedding!

Oriented

2010-09-07T11:41:00.000-07:00

Today was Cash’s “orientation” at school, which is a very official sounding term for letting him explore his classroom and meet his teachers and classmates. He did great. For the kid who used to be so intimidated by loud noises and lots of chaos, he just ran right into the fray and located the room’s supply of cars and trucks and was happy as he could be to sit at one of the tiny tables and play with them. We checked out the playground, which he LOVED because it comes complete with two tricycles and a track for riding them.

There was one instance when a little boy took the truck he was playing with and Cash just looked at me like “What’s that about?” I kind of shrugged it off and said “Oh, let’s play with this other car.” For me, sharing is a touchy subject. I know it’s pushed on kids all the time, and to some extent it should be, but I also think kids need to learn boundaries and that not everything is up for grabs. If you see a child already playing with a toy, why should you be allowed to just take it? I can’t go up to someone in the mall and say “Ooh, I like your purse, I think I’ll take it. I’ll bring it back when I’m finished.” The world just doesn’t work that way. So yeah, it’s nice to share, but I don’t think it should always be forced. *End of rant.*

One thing that concerns me is that Cash gets upset when other kids get upset so on the first day when every kid is crying because their mom just left, I fear he will be twice as upset because his mom just left AND all these other kids are crying. But hey, I wouldn’t be Callie if I wasn’t worrying about something! At the end of the day, I have to trust his teachers. They’ve been doing this for years, and I imagine they’ve figured out by now how to calm down a crying child.

Thursday is the big day! Hopefully I can hold back the tears at least until Cash can’t see me…

Awww

2010-09-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

If there is anything cuter in the world than a preschool classroom, I haven’t seen it. Jason and I were oddly giddy last night as we explored the place Cash will be spending his Thursday and Friday mornings. His teachers (there is a teacher and an assistant in every 2-year-old class) are Miss Phyllis and Miss Jackie, and they are super nice. The room is adorable, complete with cubbies, tiny little tables and chairs, toys, a story time area, a circle time rug, and its own changing table and bathroom. There are no potty training requirements, but they do work with the children on potty training when they’re ready.

Every child was asked to bring in a family picture to be displayed in the room, which I thought was awesome. There is a fenced in playground and a complete gymnasium for rainy days or days when it is too cold to go outside. They go outside every day unless the temperature is below 40 degrees, which will be right up Cash’s alley. Jackie’s daughter was in the 2-year-old class last year, so she totally gets the nervousness and emotion involved in taking your child to school for the first time. They emphasized that parents are welcome to call during the day and check on their child if needed and are, of course, welcome in the classroom. They did mention that it tends to be easier on the child if the parent says a quick goodbye, but said they would never tell a parent that it was time for them to leave or hurry them out.

There were lots of returning families, which I take as a good sign. Not to mention that our friends, who attend church there, have their twin boys going there as well, and now that we know there is a space available, another friend of mine is signing up her little girl for Cash’s class, so he will already have a friend and a familiar face.

Overall, I can say that I am very comfortable leaving Cash in their care, which is saying a lot. I know it will be an adjustment, but I think he’s going to have a great time there and will learn a lot. And I can’t wait to help out with fundraisers and school trips and planning the class Christmas party!

This is not a paid advertisement

2010-09-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

I would just like to say that I love Zappos. And also New Balance for making Extra Wide toddler shoes. I ordered these for Cash yesterday: http://www.zappos.com/new-balance-kids-kv503-infant-toddler-navy-red. Shipping was free and they are already out for delivery this morning! I thought I was going to have to take Cash back to the hoity toity store to buy another pair of $50 Stride Rites for the Fall but I found these for $29.95 so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they fit.

Also, I hate fall allergies. Cash and I are sneezing our brains out, and my head hurts.

Tonight is parents’ night at preschool, and I’m kind of nervous. I hope the other parents like me!

Did anyone else practice signing your new name before you got married? I feel like I’m in middle school again.

Crisp

2010-08-31T12:46:00.000-07:00

I hate to say this after the abominable winter we had last year, but I’m kind of happy summer is about to be over.* The heat has been so awful that we haven’t gone outside nearly as much as I thought we would. We have an awesome backyard to play in, but who can stand the 95 degree temperatures and swarms of mosquitoes for longer than two minutes? Thank god for the screened in deck, which gives some semblance of outdoorsiness, minus the bugs, plus shade. I can’t wait to put pants on Cash so his poor little legs will return to their normal, non-bruised/scratched/bug-bitten state. Plus I miss sweatshirts and warm jammy pants and cool breezes and hot chocolate and not sweating.

*I reserve the right to rescind this statement when it starts getting dark at 5:00 and the snow piles up outside my house. Please god, take it easy with the snow this year!

Hmm, what else is going on... Parents night at Cash’s preschool is this Thursday. Orientation for him is next Tuesday, then he starts on Thursday. 3-day weekend coming up. Jason’s family reunion, which may not be as bad this year since the weather is supposed to be in the 70s. I bought Cash four pairs of pants and a jacket at Once Upon a Child today for $30. I hope the jacket fits – it’s a 3T but you never know. That kid has got some broad shoulders. Wedding is fast approaching and it feels like there are still a million things to do. I pick up my dress this Friday. Target has some really cute clothes right now and I wish I had more money to spend on things like that. My kid is cute and is talking more and more, including rudimentary sentences like “Mix. In. Tash. Ride.” Meaning, of course, that he wants to ride in a cement mixer. I mean, duh.

Go Cash Go

2010-08-26T05:47:00.000-07:00

Cash must have been inspired by all the discussion around putting words together because since last night we’ve gotten:

Chocolate milk
Blue pin (Part of his bowling set)
Light off
Love Mama
Love Da-Da
Spoon Man (Don’t ask – some weird song Jason was singing)
Red Sox (The shirt he is wearing today)

And possibly a few others I’ve forgotten.

Stats

2010-08-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

Cash had his 2-year checkup today. The poor little waif weighs 37 pounds and is 38 ½ inches tall! He gained 5 pounds and grew 4 inches since December. According to the super-scientific Baby Center height predictor, he will be 6 foot 6 by the time he’s 18. I’m contacting NBA scouts now.

I brought up the issue of speech therapy with his doctor and the fact that I was thinking of taking him out because I don’t like our new therapist and she doesn’t seem to be effective with Cash. He said that they can give me great information on things to do with him at home (which she has never done but I’ve been paying close enough attention that I think I get the gist) and that at some point you have to take a step back, let him go for 6 months and see how he does. So I think it’s time for a break from speech therapy. I’ll keep an eye on him, ask his preschool teachers for feedback, and if it looks like he needs it again, we can always go back. And in the meantime, we can work on paying them the $400 we owe them. Ouch.

Even though I don’t care for the therapist, it kind of scares me to think of him not going anymore. I know it’s only 30 minutes a week, but it’s part of our routine and something he’s gotten used to. We saw a lollipop in a book today and Cash said “Beth” which is his therapist’s name. She always gives him a lollipop at the end of each session. But I think now that he’s gotten over the hump of not talking at all, it won’t be long before he catches up. I don’t know a ton of toddlers, but I don’t think it’s all that abnormal for a 26-month-old to not be talking in sentences yet. I’ve heard too many stories of 2-year-olds who didn’t talk at all – especially boys. He has some phrases – love you, thank you, get it, etc. He fills in the words to The Wheels on the Bus and certain parts of his favorite books. He counts to five. So while he may not be a chatterbox, I think he’s doing just fine. And that may just be part of his personality. Lord knows his Daddy talks enough for all three of us. :)

School Days

2010-08-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

I’ve got school on the brain, what with the groups of children standing on every corner in my neighborhood waiting for the bus and preparing for Cash’s first foray into the classroom in two weeks. Yes, it’s twice a week preschool, but it’s still a classroom, and one with an extensive supply list I had to purchase at that.

Anyway, I was thinking about all this when I came across a CNN article called 10 Things Teachers Want Parents to Know. http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/23/o.teachers.want.parents.know/index.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rss%2Fcnn_living+(RSS%3A+Living)&utm_content=Google+Reader

A lot of it is completely reasonable advice – get to know your kid’s teacher, get both sides of a story if there’s a conflict, listen to what the teacher says with an open mind because kids sometimes behave differently at school than at home. Some of it, however, seemed a little one-sided. Teaching is like any other profession – there are those who are great at it and those who have no business there. Including Kindergarten, I was in school for 19 years and I’ve seen both ends of that spectrum. If I came home and told my mother about something that happened with a teacher, her initial response was not to doubt my story and assume I was telling it in a way to avoid getting in trouble. She trusted me and believed what I said and contacted the teacher to discuss it. Of course, I was a trustworthy child. Conflicts didn’t happen often, so when they did, she had no reason to doubt my version of events. In second grade I was hit with a ruler on the arm for talking in line at the water fountain – what could have been the teacher’s defense to that one?

I also take issue with the “check your child’s backpack, remind them to do their homework, etc” part. Yes, by all means, help your 5-year-old make sure they’ve done all their assignments and help them pack their bag. But at some point that responsibility needs to become the child’s. I honestly don’t remember my mother ever asking me if I had done my homework. Granted, I don’t think Kindergarteners had homework back then, but even as a second or third grader, I knew my schoolwork was my responsibility and I just did it. My parents were always available for help when I needed it, but they never sat down next to me at the table and went over my homework line by line. And why should they? This is part of the reason kids don’t take responsibility for anything anymore – someone is always waiting in the wings to remind, prod, cajole, “help.” If I got to school and didn’t have my homework, I suffered the consequences. It wasn’t my parents’ fault for not reminding me to do it or for not keeping a neat and organized enough home, as is also mentioned in the article.

I also don’t think unannounced visits are always a bad thing. My boss drops in on me unannounced all the time. Sometimes the best way to see what’s really happening is to observe, and even the best teacher is apt to step up their game if they know a parent is stopping by. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t respect the teacher’s time and set up a meeting if you want to discuss something at length, but if your child seems to be having a problem, maybe you need to see it firsthand.

Overall, I guess there is no one right way to handle the parent/teacher relationship. It just depends on too many variables – the teacher, the administration, the child, the parent. I am hoping for two wonderful preschool teachers for Cash, and I will be right on time for both the parents’ night and children’s orientation so we can begin to get to know each other. But unlike many of the parents there, I won’t be the one picking him up and dropping him off most of the time – preschool is from 9 – 12 when I’m at work. I’ve managed to work out dropping him off on Thursday mornings so his teachers will have the chance to talk to me if they need to, but everything else will fall to my Dad. So I think teachers could also keep in mind that many parents are juggling the responsibilities of work, multiple children, relationships with a spouse or partner or being a single parent, etc. and maybe cut them a little slack if Junior forgets his homework once or twice or there’s an open house night they can’t attend. This give and take thing goes both ways.

Some of my favorite Cash-isms

2010-08-13T06:17:00.000-07:00

The aforementioned “dank doo” for thank-you

“Muff-muff” for muffins

“Neck-neck” for naked

“Bopen” for open

“Bup” for up

“One” – He says this correctly, it just cracks me up that it’s how he asks for something he knows we usually don’t give him, like M&Ms or potato chips. He’ll look at them longingly, hold up one finger, and say, hopefully, “One?”

“Tuck” for truck, although this morning I heard him add the “r” in there.

“Dash” for Cash

I can’t even explain how he says “big.” He will say “truck” or whatever is big, and then he makes this grunting noise while holding his hands up far apart. It’s hilarious.

“Row-rer” for roller (as in a steam roller). The kid knows all his construction vehicles – cranes, mixers, rollers, tow trucks, dump trucks, etc. He can even match up which person goes with which vehicle (farmer with tractor, garbage collector with garbage truck) and which wheel goes with which vehicle. I’m not saying genius, but…. ;)

His pronunciation has gotten much clearer on a lot of words, which I’m grateful for but also kind of miss his cute little way of saying things. A van is now a van instead of a “ba.” Red is red, not “reh.” He’s growing up too fast, but I’m so, so proud of him.

Goings on

2010-08-12T05:27:00.000-07:00

I received a spontaneous, unprompted thank you (well, “dank-doo”) from Cash yesterday morning when I picked up the blush brush he was playing with and handed it back to him. That kid never fails to slay me with his cuteness. He is seriously one of the sweetest, most loving toddlers I’ve ever come across. He is full of random snuggles and kisses, and will throw himself around your legs for a big hug with no provocation.

I am continually noticing improvement in his speech and hope that preschool gives him the push he needs to actually start speaking in sentences instead of just utterances like “Truck! White!” and “Door. Door. Door.” as we drive down a street full of houses and “Dah! Dah! Dah!” as we drive past a car dealership. Most of the time he has a very Southern accent, but he says “car” like a Boston yankee.

Speaking of speech, I also continue to be unimpressed with his new speech therapist. I feel like she spends far too much of the 30-minute session instructing him to clean up toys, not put his foot on the wall, not put the play food in his mouth, etc. She continues to say we need to work on his ability to speak in sentences, yet she gives me no suggestions for activities or exercises to do at home. Susan would give us worksheets to go over with Cash, which he enjoyed doing. I guess I’m going to have to specifically ask if she has anything like that we could use. She doesn’t remember things about Cash from session to session. Susan took time to get to know us and would remember things that Cash liked, the fact that we had a cat at home, that Cash stays with my Dad during the day, etc. His new therapist continues to ask questions that have already been answered. I felt like Susan was someone I could open up to, ask questions, be friends. She would give Cash hugs and talk about how cute and smart he is. I do not get that feeling at all from the new therapist.

In other news, our wedding is fast approaching. I’m picking up the reception invitations today. I have my dress fitting this weekend. Hair and makeup appointments have been scheduled for my sister and me. A flip-flop cake has been ordered for our post-ceremony picnic on the beach. The real wedding cake for the reception has been ordered and paid for, thanks to my awesome sister. We really need to figure out what size ring Jason wears and get wedding bands soon. I’m super excited about getting married on the beach. There is a beautiful instrumental song that Jason wrote that I’ve asked him to play on the guitar as I walk down the aisle. Despite what *some* people may have been expecting, it’s going to be a very casual and relaxed wedding, because that’s who we are. And anyone who doesn’t like it can suck it. Ahem.

You Give Me Fever

2010-08-09T12:43:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned to Katrina in my comment on her blog, I seem to have a touch of the baby fever. It all started when I had a few days of feeling exhausted and a little queasy with a touch of slight cramping. It felt for all the world like being pregnant. Of course I also know that being pregnant in the beginning feels an awful lot like PMS, but that didn’t stop me from buying a test. And while a big part of me was relieved to see only one pink line, a tiny part was a little disappointed. My rational mind knows that now is not the time for another baby. Cash is still a baby – still nursing, still in diapers, still co-sleeping. I can’t imagine having to divide my time between him and another little needy creature. There is no money for child care because my father sure as hell isn’t going to baby-sit two children. And yet, there it is – that little nagging feeling that gets even stronger when I look at pictures of Cash when he was still so new and look at him now, looking more and more like a boy and less like a baby every day. Another baby is definitely in our future, but not now. For now I will just be glad that my big boy still lets me rock him to sleep, no matter what kind of crazy position he has to assume to curl up into my lap.

Boycotts Abound

2010-08-05T07:12:00.000-07:00

It seems like every day I read about someone boycotting another company.

People boycott BP for screwing up the Gulf. http://www.newsweek.com/2010/06/07/boycott-bp.html

People boycott Nestle for marketing infant formula. http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/08/02/nestle/

People boycott Target for contributing money to anti-gay politicians. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/03/moveon-threatens-national_n_668863.html

People boycott Gap for stupid advertising campaigns telling you to cover up your ugly legs. http://feministing.com/2010/08/03/the-gap-wants-you-to-cover-up-your-ugly-legs/

Maybe it’s that I’m getting older and have bigger things to worry about, but if I had to boycott every company whose leaders ever made a stupid decision, I couldn’t shop anywhere. Yes, I hate that BP is irresponsible and damages our environment, but read that article: so does every other oil company. So if I’m on E, and the closest gas station is BP, I’m probably going to pull in and fill up. I guess I might as well start clubbing baby seals.

And I’m sorry, but it’s going to take more than a $150,000 political contribution for me to give up on Target. Yes, I think it’s deplorable that the company (and by the company, I mean the CEO – I’m pretty sure he doesn’t speak for everyone who works there) supports discrimination. But they’d have to ban gays from shopping there before I miss out on cute clothes at prices I can afford.

I don’t shop at Gap anyway because they’re too expensive, but they own Old Navy, and again, cute clothes at prices I can afford. I don’t care if they think I shouldn’t wear shorts.

I’m not taking jabs at anyone who does support a boycott, I’m just saying that I don’t have it in me to deprive myself of things I love in order to “punish” billion dollar corporations for being idiots.

Anniversaries

2010-08-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

I’ve never been big on the whole anniversary thing. I truthfully have no idea what day I met Jason (it was somewhere between Christmas and New Year’s). I don’t remember when we first made the relationship “official” or went on our first real date or any of the other things people celebrate. But one date that is burned into my memory is August 7. The day we lost the first pregnancy. I remember that day in excruciating detail. We don’t do anything in particular on that day to commemorate the loss, and I am probably the only person who remembers the day, but I try to make a note of it in some way, usually by writing about it here. This year we will be at Jason’s mother’s family reunion, watching Cash run around and play and basking in all the “He’s adorable!” comments we get from relatives who see him once a year. And I wouldn’t trade him for anything in this world, and whatever we had to endure to get us to this place, of being Cash’s parents, I would gladly endure again. But I still want the bean to know I think of him/her all the time, especially on August 7.

Photo Friday

2010-07-30T05:38:00.000-07:00

This is my first foray into Calliope's Photo Friday - be gentle! Neither of these photos were taken particularly for Photo Friday, but I thought they fit in nicely with the theme - Play.

My love-hate relationship with craigslist

2010-07-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

I am so done with craigslist. I have tried to buy something on there twice, and I am 0 for 2. The first time I had planned to buy this discontinued and therefore impossible to obtain plastic house/garden thing for Cash. I had arranged the meet-up and taken out the cash to pay for it. Then I get an e-mail saying the woman’s husband sold it to someone else. Nice.

Last week I wanted to buy a talking Dora doll house for Cash. They sell for around $55 and this woman was asking $15. She asked if we could meet on Friday and I said yes, how is 3:00? I never heard back so I e-mailed her my cell number and said I was leaving work but she could call or text me to let me know if that time was OK. Never heard from her. This morning I have an email saying she has 5 kids and can’t keep track of things and she’s sorry, can I meet her today? Um, no. I’ll buy him a new damn Dora house, thankyouverymuch.

But I can’t stop checking it every day just to see what’s out there. It’s a sickness.

So much for that

2010-07-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

All the 3 day and 5 day classes are full but she will let me know if any spaces open up. This is what happens when I underestimate Cash. I signed him up for two days because I didn't know if he could handle more than that, but now that he's a little older I'm beginning to realize that he can usually handle more than I think he can. He did great on our first night away from each other, and I was convinced he would freak out and spend half the night in tears. I need to really work on reigning in my knee-jerk reaction to say no because he's too young, too little, has never done it before, I won't be there with him, etc. My little boy is way more capable than I sometimes give him credit for.

Dilemma

2010-07-20T10:30:00.001-07:00

First, a disclaimer: I love my Dad immensely and am extremely grateful that he stepped in to help me with free childcare and prevented me from having to leave my infant with strangers. Truly, I am.

I have struggled with my decision to let my Dad babysit Cash ever since my Mom told me he offered to do it. The first couple of weeks were really tough – Cash was only 10 weeks old when I went back to work, and initially he refused to take a bottle and he would only sleep if you held him. But eventually my Dad and Cash got into a groove. My aunt, who lived down the street, came down every day to help out. Things went well.

Then we faced the issue of Cash’s expressive language delay. And I wondered if he was in day care or with a babysitter who cared for other children, would he have this delay? My Dad has always been a man of few words, and I wondered how often he tried to engage with Cash and encourage him to speak. So we started speech therapy and I made a more concerted effort at working with him at home, and he’s made lots of progress.

Now my aunt is getting ready to move and no longer comes down every day to help out. My mom asked if we could arrange for Jason’s mom to keep Cash one day a week so my Dad could get a break. And I just get the overall sense that my Dad is getting worn out. There’s no doubt that he loves Cash, but keeping up with an active toddler, even a relatively laid back one like Cash, is hard work. And don’t forget – he’s not getting paid. Not because we don’t want to pay him, but because the amount we could afford to pay him would probably just be insulting. And he probably wouldn’t accept it anyway.

So. What to do? Right now the best plan I’ve come up with is to see if the preschool Cash will be attending in the fall has any spaces left in the 3-day or 5-day a week programs. We signed him up for 2 days, but he really likes playing with other kids and I think he would be fine going more often. It’s from 9-12, so my Dad would have to drop him off in the morning, but he would mostly just have to watch him in the afternoon. And after a morning of school, he would probably take a good afternoon nap. So I e-mailed the director and am awaiting a response. If that falls through, I’m not sure what the next step is. I guess we’ll take it a day at a time and if it truly becomes too much for him, we’ll have to investigate other child care options. I don’t know if he would ever actually admit that it was too much, but my Mom says she will know when he isn’t able to handle it anymore. So everyone cross your fingers that I’m able to get him into one of the other classes!

Just stuff

2010-07-19T12:31:00.000-07:00

Cash and I survived our first night apart. In fact, I would go so far as to say we enjoyed it. I got to relax, he got to play with his cousins and be doted on by grandparents and long-distance relatives. It was a win-win. Jason and I may try to get a night to ourselves and let him stay with the grandparents sometime soon. Well, not too soon.

For some reason my mind keeps wandering to the idea of a second child. I read this scary article this morning about how my fertility is going to take a nosedive in the next five years so I better freeze some eggs now. Well, it didn’t say that exactly, but that’s what it meant. I am in NO WAY ready for another child now, but maybe we’ll start trying when Cash is 4 as opposed to 5…

I also find myself looking at potties online. I bought a combination potty/step stool a long time ago and Cash will sit on it every once in a while, but it’s not really big enough and if he ever actually peed in it, it would definitely spray over top of the supposed “splash guard.” I haven’t noticed any obvious signs of readiness, but I’ve been thinking of incorporating some potty time into our morning and nighttime routines just to see what happens. Maybe right before bath time when the water’s running or something.

Briefs

2010-07-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

It’s always interesting to see how Cash reacts in different situations. Sometimes he buries his head in my neck and plays shy, but that rarely lasts very long. Yesterday in the doctor’s office waiting room, he must have sat beside every child in there, showing them his trucks and waving and saying “Hi!” He made fast friends with another little toddler boy at the fish tank. I couldn’t figure out why Cash kept meowing until this morning it dawned on me – the little boy’s name was Sam, which also happens to be the name of our cat. So whenever the boy’s mom called him Sam, Cash thought she was talking about the cat. Hilarious.

The doctor’s appointment resulted in Cash’s very first antibiotic prescription for a sinus infection. Two doses in, and I can already see a reduction in the whining, thank heavens. The poor child hasn’t had a bath since Saturday because he’s been asking to go to bed so early.

My house looks like it could be declared a federal disaster area and I have no idea when I will find the time to clean it. Whether or not I do will probably depend on whether Jason plans on having his mother come down this weekend to help with Cash while I’m on the girls’ trip. Otherwise, I’ll just leave it because it will be a disaster by the time I get back anyway.

I’m very excited about Cash starting preschool in the fall. I love that he stays with my Dad, but I think it will be great for him to play with other kids and get some structured teaching. I can’t wait to have little preschool art projects to hang on the fridge too. :)

He got his third haircut this past weekend, and it was a big one. I love his long, shaggy hair, but it is just too hot for it in the summer. He has now developed an affinity for hair products. I put a little of this gloss/wax stuff that I have in his hair and now he asks for it every day. He is his father’s child.

Would you like some cheese with that whine?

2010-07-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

That’s what I have felt like asking Cash about 100 times a day this week. And it’s totally not his fault. His cold is lingering around, he has seasonal allergies, it’s 100 degrees out and I think he may be working on his molars. But that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the constant melt-downs because Mommy dared suggest that he take a bath or, God forbid, got into the shower myself. Oh, the clinginess. Anytime we suggest that Daddy could change his diaper/get him some milk/watch Elmo on YouTube, he dissolves into tears as if we suggested that Fidel Castro fill up his sippy cup. I was starting to feel really guilty and nervous about leaving on our girls’ overnight trip next weekend, but as of this morning, I am counting down the days.

Partay

2010-06-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

As most of the handful of people who read this blog know, we held Cash’s 2nd birthday party over the weekend. I would call it a rousing success, but it was not without its hiccups. There were a LOT of people there, and I am thankful that so many people turned out to celebrate, but I think perhaps next year’s celebration will need to be broken up into separate family and friends events. Maybe traditional cake and ice cream with the fam and a fun park play date for the friends. I’m not exactly sure yet, but I have a year to plan. :)

His cake was gorgeous and was exactly what I asked for in terms of appearance. However…I paid a lot of money for that cake and there were two pretty significant problems. First, I had asked that it be covered in buttercream icing and only use fondant for the decorations and accents. What I got was a completely fondant covered cake. It was gorgeous, but for those who have never tasted fondant, it’s gross. The cake and filling was yummy, but the fondant was yuck. Second, I had requested one layer of strawberry cake and one layer of peanut butter cake. What I got was two layers of strawberry. Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but again, I paid a LOT of money for this cake, and I think that entitles me to the flavors I asked for. So. What do I do now? Do I e-mail the woman who made it, who is also supposed to make my wedding cake, and tell her about the mistakes? Do I ask for a partial refund or just more of a FYI – you screwed up kind of thing? I am so terrible at this. I never send things back in restaurants, I never complain to anyone’s manager. I hate to make people feel bad, especially when she obviously put a lot of work into making this cake. But again – a LOT of money. Just sayin’.

That's my boy

2010-06-18T11:18:00.001-07:00

Watching a little person develop into who they will become is truly an amazing process, and you never know which of their current traits will remain and which ones are just phases. For instance, Cash used to be terrified of unexpected loud noises, like children yelling or motorcycles going by. And while he still isn’t big on a lot of loud noises or craziness, he no longer starts to cry if one of his rambunctious cousins screams in his face and he’s much more likely to get excited and start going, “Vrooom” if a motorcycle passes us. But one thing I hope he will keep – at least in part – is his cautious nature. It’s not always there – I mean this is a kid who rides his tricycle down a ramp in my Dad’s backyard without batting an eye and would happily ride it right down the stairs if you let him, but sometimes he is faced with something new or unfamiliar that intimidates him for whatever reason, and he doesn’t hesitate to step back (sometimes literally) and inspect it closer or ask for help. We gave him his Power Wheels truck yesterday for his birthday, and while he liked checking it out and pushing it, he didn’t want to get in it. Jason had shown him how pushing the pedal made it go, and I think it made him nervous. I think it disappointed Jason that Cash didn’t hop right in and start doing donuts in the backyard, but it gave me hope that one day when faced with something new and scary, even if it is potentially exciting and fun, he will pause, step back and consider his options before diving in.

Two

2010-06-17T06:49:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today at 7:55 a.m. Cash William made his big entrance into the world – at 9 pounds, 8.6 ounces and 22 inches long, it was a BIG entrance. He was crying before the doctors had even removed him all the way from my uterus, prompting my OB to say “He doesn’t know he’s not supposed to be able to do that yet.” I was lying on a table in a haze of fear, euphoria and drugs, looking over at the table where they were cleaning him off. All I really remember is a bunch of dark hair. I saw his little face for a moment when they held him up for me to see and tell me he was doing well, and then he and Jason were off to the nursery. The nurses brought Polaroids for me to look at while I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, and to this day I have never seen anything more beautiful.

Despite the fact that I am a writer by profession, I often do not have the words to describe my baby boy, but here goes.

The morning person that he was as an infant has been replaced with a groggy, cranky, morning hater like his mother – that is, until I say the word breakfast. It’s like flipping a switch and suddenly he’s scooting across the bed, eager to get to the kitchen and see what awaits him. There is nothing cuter in this world than a toddler wearing nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt stampeding down the hallway in search of blueberry muffins and “muk.”

He loves to look at pictures and videos of himself and can often be found crawling into my lap with his baby book or the Flip.

He is very particular about which books we read and it takes a long time for him to accept new books. I’m currently waiting to see if he ever allows me to read him “Harold and the Purple Crayon.”

He is a mama’s boy through and through and if I am going somewhere – anywhere – he is right by my side if he has anything to say about it. But if I successfully make it out of the house, he has a great time with his Dad, who does all the fun stuff like jumping on beds and twirling him around upside down and teaching him to sing Led Zeppelin songs.

His language skills have grown by leaps and bounds and although he remains pretty difficult to understand, I think it’s getting closer to just plain old toddler-speak, which is always difficult to understand for anyone besides the kid’s parents. He loves Miss Susan, his speech therapist, and I am very sad that she is leaving to go to Bible college in Colorado. Not to be selfish, but I’m pretty sure Cash needs her more than Jesus. Some of my favorite Cash-isms:
· Wuk – Where Mommy and Daddy go during the day
· Rhyne – What Mama drinks
· Nek-Nek – Not wearing any clothes
· Mac-Mac – Makeup (Always spoken while rubbing his cheek)
· Da-Da ppppbbbb – The sound Daddy makes in the potty. (Heh.)
· Diddes – Those things we eat off of that Cash loves to assist in washing.
· Diddit – Get it.
· Backpack – What Dora wears
· Night-Night – What we say at bedtime and also the light that comes on when it gets dark.
· (Pointing at my boobs) Bo-bo, muk, ahh

Getting a hug from him at the end of the day is like recharging my batteries. There is no other love like the love between a mother and her child, and holding his warm little body next to me can take me from empty to full in no time flat. Thank you for that, sweet pea. I love you more than you could possibly know. Happy birthday.

Sunrise, Sunset

2010-06-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

Today was our speech therapist's last day before moving to Colorado. I seriously almost cried when we left our session this morning. She is so great with Cash and he likes her so much, and I have my doubts about the woman who is replacing her. I had thought she would come in and sit in on at least one session but she hasn't. According to our current therapist, the new woman is very smart but her approach is a little less friendly and enthusiastic, which worries me. I mean, when working with kids, I think those two qualities are pretty important. But I'm trying to withhold judgment until we've actually met her and seen how she interacts with Cash. But we will definitely miss Miss Susan. :(

You know what most parents’ biggest mistake is?

2010-06-04T11:48:00.000-07:00

Reading too much crap on the internet. Crap like this: http://www.lifescript.com/Life/Family/Parenting/Top_10_Mistakes_Even_Smart_Moms_Make.aspx and the corresponding backlash like this: http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com/2010/05/30/the-10-biggest-mistakes-parents-make-seriously-seriously/.

Don’t get me wrong – I read my share of parenting or [shudder] “mommy” blogs. Most of the ones I read are for the humor and the shared experience, not advice or judgment. Because for every blog or book or website that tells you to co-sleep, there is an equal number that say a crib is the only safe place for a baby to sleep. Same for bottle vs. breast, stay at home vs. work outside the home, etc. I don’t need websites telling me what mistakes I’m making because guess what? We’re all human, and we will all continue to make mistakes, but somehow the human race has survived for millions of years before Al Gore invented the internet. When did people stop trusting their instincts and their family members and their doctors? Do you think our mothers spent hours combing through parenting magazines and books by “experts?” I know mine didn’t. And I know we’ve come a long way since then and more information is sometimes a good thing, but not always. I didn’t co-sleep with Cash because Dr. Sears (or anyone else) told me to. I did it because that’s how we all got sleep. I buy healthy, preservative-free, all natural food as often as my bank account (and taste buds) will allow, but I also think some things are just a rite of passage during childhood, including ice cream, popsicles and even the occasional cup of kool-aid. My god, the parenting police are probably knocking on my door as we speak.

We are fortunate to even have time to worry about things like tricycle helmets (give me a break) and sharing utensils. How about parents who can’t feed or clothe their children, can’t send them to school, can’t take them to a doctor? If letting your kid watch a Baby Einstein DVD is the worst thing that happens to them, count your blessings. I have had about enough of the constant finger pointing and “I’m better than you because I stay at home or because my kid only eats organic barley we grew in the backyard or because my kid peed in the potty when she was 6 months old” or whatever.

I think what pisses me of the most is that stupid non-issues like this detract from the fact that some people are actually abusing their children. Not by feeding them chicken nuggets or co-sleeping, but by hitting them or molesting them. And if we could harness all the energy that is devoted to these stupid mommy wars or whatever you want to call them and focus on that, maybe we could actually make a difference, instead of just being annoying.

Maybe I’ll buy him a birthday tiara too

2010-06-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

By some measures, Cash is what old-fashioned people call “All Boy.” He loves trucks and trains and baseballs and bats and soccer balls and climbing and splashing in puddles and knocking over towers of blocks. He will stop to watch hockey or baseball or football on TV. However, he also likes to watch Dora the Explorer, loves the colors pink and purple, hates to get his hands dirty, likes quiet activities like reading and coloring, is a grade-A snuggler and giver of hugs and kisses, whimpers when anyone else gets hurt or upset, and likes to help me put my makeup on. He’s even created his own little sign for it, where he will point to my bedroom mirror and rub his hand on his face, which means “makeup.” I joked this morning about buying him his own set of pretend makeup since he likes it so much and my mom got all bent out of shape, as did another friend of mine when I told her the story. And my reaction is “What’s the big deal?” I truly never actually intended to buy him play makeup since he can just as easily play with mine, but now I might just to spite people! My friend asked if I would let him dress up in my bras and dresses, and I said yes I would. Kids are curious and want to experiment. What if a little girl wanted to dress up like a hockey player or a businessman or a soldier? Would you tell her no, just because she’s a girl? If Cash wants to play with dolls, tutus, makeup, and princess dresses, that is fine by me. If he continues his love affair with bulldozers and dump trucks, that’s cool too. He is who he is, and it’s not my job to beat him into submission to conform to society’s arbitrary guidelines about what is and is not acceptable for boys and girls. He loves to help us cook, wash dishes and do laundry too. He has a play kitchen. Is that too girly? I don’t care. And something tells me his future wife (or husband) will thank me.

Callie is…

2010-05-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

Relieved that Cash passed his second hearing test with flying colors this morning.

Amused when Cash says “g” words because they always come out as “d” words. Get it is dit dit and go is do. Too cute.

Enjoying a very fattening chicken parmesan wrap from the company café. To be followed by a peanut butter cookie. But hey, I gave away the two extras the café guy slipped me, so that counts for something right?

Ridiculously excited about seeing Sex and the City 2 on Sunday!

Amazed that Cash chose to go to bed in his own room last night. Of course, it only lasted until about midnight, but was interesting nonetheless that when I asked him if he was ready to go night night, he took off running for his room instead of ours.

Going to pee my pants the next time the power goes off after watching Criminal Minds last night. Also, crime shows, you need to leave kids out of it. I like a good scare but a kid watching their parents be killed is just depressing.

Thankful for a long weekend!

Well, it’s happened.

2010-05-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

I have succumbed to suburban mom syndrome. I traded in my lovely little economical Toyota Yaris for a larger, more practical, safer Mazda Tribute, and I just ordered a portable DVD player to go in said vehicle. Cash doesn’t even watch that much TV, but I’m hoping it will pacify him on the long trips to Lexington and the even longer upcoming trip to the beach. We shall see…

Day 1

2010-05-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

Well it took a little longer to get started but last night, after an excruciatingly annoying day, I hit the streets for my first jog/walk. Mostly walking, in all honesty, but there was some jogging thrown in and the walking was at a respectable pace in our very hilly neighborhood. I’m not even sure how long I was gone because I don’t own a watch, but probably close to 20 minutes, which I think is a good start. It was not easy to walk out the door with Cash standing at the top of the stairs wailing “Mamaaaaa” but I did it anyway. And it felt good. (Not the leaving Cash part – the exercise part.)

I can hear the Rocky theme song now

2010-05-13T05:40:00.000-07:00

I am very susceptible to the power of suggestion and peer pressure. Marketing people love me. Slap a big “NEW!” onto the front of the box and I’ll probably buy it. If I read enough blogs about people doing something or eating something or buying something, I will want it too. Which is why I want to do this: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml. The Couch to 5K running plan. I hate running. If we’re being honest, I hate most exercise. But so do a lot of the women who have done this plan successfully. And somehow, miraculously, they end up loving it. So. I want to give it a go. I’ll probably do one workout on the weekend and the other two during the week. I mean, it’s 25 minutes. I can do anything for 25 minutes right? I guess we’ll see. My target start date is Saturday. I started off the year with a goal of losing 20 pounds by my birthday. I’ve lost 13 and have been at a standstill for 2 months. So something’s gotta give. Even after I lose the remaining 7 pounds, there’s at least another 28 staring me in the face (well, ass) that need to go too. Wish me luck.

May 12, 2010

2010-05-12T07:18:00.001-07:00

Will now be known as the day I locked my son in the car and had to call the fire department to rescue him, thereby missing speech therapy and the repeat hearing test. Those Mother of the Year people are going to be calling any minute now...

Things I want to remember

2010-05-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

Cash likes to help me put on my makeup in the morning. He plops down in my lap, hunts through my makeup basket for the blush, then carefully dips the brush in it and taps it on my cheeks. And chin. And nose. And forehead. Etc.

He chose a pink bus from Target on Saturday. I was so proud.

He’s picking up new words left and right. In the past couple days, we’ve gotten back, book, bag, and neck. Oh, and mine, which comes out as “my.” Everything is my.

He loves looking at pictures and videos of himself, much like his father.

He “loves” everything. He expresses this with his trademark hugging himself motion and making a squeezing sound. Hard to describe. Anyway, I’ve seen him do that for everything from a baby on TV to a piece of fuzz on the floor. Very loving, my child.

I got a little beat up on my second Mother’s Day. Run over by a big blue ride-on car and slammed into with an ottoman. Nice.

Cash decided to show me his undying love and devotion on Mother’s Day by insisting that I be rightnexttohim all day long, despite the house full of grandparents eager to play with him. By 4:00 I wanted a nap so badly that I let him take one with me. Until 7:00. Yeah. He didn’t go to bed until 10:30 but man that was a nice nap.

What I would post if I had facebook at work

2010-05-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

Callie…ordered the cutest shoes for Cash today. They’re Teva sandals with fire trucks on them!

Callie…has eaten like a horse today. Two chicken soft tacos from the café for lunch and a cup of banana pudding at 3:00. To quote Cher from Clueless, I feel like such a heifer.

Callie…was very proud of Cash at speech therapy today. He no longer cries when we get there and actually gets excited to see “Miss Susan.” We’re working on M words and he imitated Susan when she said “mop.” He didn’t pronounce the p, but we got the point. He also showed off a little of his alphabet and color knowledge and Susan kept saying “He’s so smart!” I never get tired of hearing that. J Next week is the repeat hearing test.

Callie…gets more and more excited about Cash starting preschool every time I see how happy he is around other kids.

Callie…feels like I have way too much to do and not enough time to do it all. Between planning a wedding and Cash’s birthday, not to mention my own birthday and Jason’s birthday, plus Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I am going to be broke and exhausted.

Callie…apparently never registered my car in Roanoke County when we moved so now I have to go do it so I can pay property taxes to the right place. Plus it’s time to get my plates renewed and my license renewed.

Callie…desperately needs to clean my house before Jason’s parents come down on Sunday.

A Day Late

2010-04-23T06:04:00.001-07:00

Very interesting article about "going green." http://www.newsweek.com/id/236722

Just thought I'd share.

22 Months

2010-04-22T06:18:00.000-07:00

Cash turned 22 months old on April 17. He has the cutest southern drawl. I love hearing him say “Hi” and “Bye.” I also LOVE hearing him say Mama. I waited a long time for that. It’s funny to hear the difference in the way he says Mama and Dada. Dada is very matter-of-fact. Da-Da. But Mama comes out more like Maaa-Maaaa, like oh, my Mama is the greatest thing since goldfish crackers.

He knows what our cars look like and if he sees a similar car while we’re out, he’ll point to it and say Mama or Da-Da. Last weekend he kept pointing to this white car next to us in a parking lot saying Mama, and since my car is blue I didn’t really get it until I noticed it was also a Toyota Yaris. Smart kid, that Cash William.

He is a mix of daredevil and caution. He likes to ride his little ride-on toys down hills and ramps and has tried numerous times to ride them down steps or straight off my parents’ porch. Yet he will not hesitate to hold out his hand for me to take if he’s unsure of his footing walking down a hill or a set of stairs or to get on or off his stepstool.

He loves colors and shapes and almost always identifies them correctly. He can recognize his name when he sees it written out. He’ll look at it and point to himself. He’s learning the sounds for more letters and loves to point at them in books and tell me what sound each one makes. His current favorite book is The Color Kittens and we read it at least two or three times each night before bed. He knows when we get to the part where they finally make green paint and he draws in his breath very excitedly when we get to that page. He also loves the Dr. Seuss ABC book and will scratch his belly when we get to Itchy, Itchy Ichabod.

He is thrilled that warmer weather is finally here (on most days) and the evening is not complete without an after-dinner walk and some time running around the yard. He always gets mad when it’s time to go inside and take a bath, but he likes bath time once he gets in the tub. He loves to “hide” by covering his eyes and giggles while I look for him. He’s been going to bed later than usual this week – around 9 instead of 7:30 – but he’s been sleeping straight through until about 4:00 when he wants to nurse. I don’t mind the nursing, but the pawing at the other boob I could live without.

I made the mistake of letting him eat a potato chip and he’s totally hooked, so we don’t offer them very often. He knows where I stashed his Easter M&Ms and he will point at that cabinet when he wants one. I’ll look at him and say “Do you want one M&M?” and he giggles and holds up one finger. And he gets his one M&M and he’s happy.

He loves having mini blueberry muffins for breakfast. He can drink from a regular cup without me holding it for him. He likes watching Barney in the morning. He got a Bob the Builder DVD with real construction site footage for Easter and when he wants to watch it, he brings me the DVD case. He is madly in love with dump trucks, excavators, cranes, etc. He gets very excited when he sees other kids and I can’t wait for him to start preschool so he can make some little friends.

He’s very affectionate and sweet and loves snuggles and hugs and kisses. And I’m more than happy to give them to him.

Mc BS

2010-04-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

Oh dear god I just spent far too much time reading this woman’s blog post and subsequent comments about McDonald’s and how to handle her kids wanting to eat there. http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/04/13/the-mcdilemma/#comments

Seriously? If you don’t want them to eat there, say no. If you’re ok with it, say yes. Does there need to be a tactical battle plan? I understand that fast food is unhealthy and some people do not allow their children to eat it. What you feed your kids is purely up to you. But to drone on and on about explanations and rationales and “What do I do if they throw a tantrum?” Excuse me while I poke my eyes out with a sharp stick. Kids throw tantrums. They get over it.

Of course, I don’t even know why I read this woman’s blog anymore since she pretty much always annoys me. It seems like everything she writes is tinged with judgment about something, whether it’s breastfeeding, fast food, or even where you take your kids on vacation. I do my fair share of judging, I’ll admit that, but I generally try to keep it to myself rather than publicly lambasting those who make different parenting choices than I do. Cash gets a fruit and yogurt parfait from McDonald’s as a “treat” (yet another debate – should we refer to fast food as a treat? Poke, poke…) every Friday. He knows when I walk in with that bag what’s in there and he gets all excited about it. Is it the best thing for him? Probably not. Does he get plenty of fruits, veggies and non-McDonald’s food? Of course. So what’s the big deal? I am of the opinion that most things are fine in moderation. If you forbid McD’s, well, good for you, but excuse me if I don’t give a McCrap.

Back to the lab again, yo

2010-04-16T10:40:00.001-07:00

Talked to the speech path yesterday. We are going to do once a week therapy sessions and re-test his hearing on May 12. So if anyone has any genius ideas about keeping an almost 2-year-old quiet and still, let me know. But I won't hold my breath.

Also, my kid is the cutest thing to ever wear madras plaid. Just sayin. Happy weekend!

Can you hear me now?

2010-04-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

It’s been kind of a hard week. And we’re only halfway through it. Bleh. The highlights are that I cried in my boss’s office while trying to explain why changing my schedule to make more time at home was so important to me and finding out that Cash’s speech issues may, in fact, be tied to a hearing problem.

The good news is that he tests above average for receptive language at 2 years, 5 months and actually tests in the high average area for expressive language. His problem lies with articulation. He had his hearing test today and the audiologist was concerned. There were certain sounds she made that Cash had little response to, and at 60 decibels he didn’t show a startle response. He heard the sound and looked toward it, but it didn’t startle him. She said it is possible for kids to have fluid in their ears and never know it. She also said some people have perfect hearing for certain sounds and impaired hearing for other sounds.

She tried to do some follow-up tests, but she wasn’t able to get a good reading because she needed him to sit still and be quiet while she put probes in his ears, and what toddler do you know is going to do that? So we’re going to have to have him re-tested, but I don’t know how we’ll ever get him to sit still while they stick things in his ears.

I need to call and talk to the pathologist now that I’ve had time to review her report. She doesn’t think he needs to continue coming twice a week and we may be able to go once a week or even once every other week. I'm supposed to call her back today to discuss where we go from here after she talks to the audiologist to see when she wants to re-test him.

I go back and forth between being scared that something is wrong with his hearing that isn’t fixable and relieved that we may have found the cause of his problems. Only time will tell I suppose.

Gah

2010-04-01T05:48:00.000-07:00

From the time I got pregnant, (and I’m sure this is true of most moms) people have lined up to give me unsolicited advice. It’s like first time mothers are wearing a sign that says “Please tell me exactly how to feed, clothe, bathe, carry, and raise my baby because I have no idea.” And it doesn’t stop as the baby gets older. Maybe I’m just a defensive person by nature, but unsolicited advice ranks right up there with being late on my pet peeves list. Because you see, I am nothing if not a researcher. I will read articles, websites, books, everything I can get my hands on about whatever topic I am wondering about. So I don’t need in-laws, co-workers, people I haven’t seen since high school, etc. chiming in with their thoughts on the subject.

Case in point: Cash’s speech evaluation and subsequent recommendation for therapy. If I had a nickel for every time someone has said to me, “You know, a lot of kids don’t talk until they’re two. I’d just wait and see.” Would you? That’s great. I’ve been “waiting and seeing” since Cash was about 15 months old and wasn’t saying Mama or Dada. So I’m done with the waiting. Because I don’t see the point in waiting to see if something gets better or worse when you can go ahead and start making it better. It’s no longer about him not talking. He’s been talking for a couple of months now. But I can count on one hand the number of people who can understand him, and even we have trouble sometimes.

I think people feel the need to defend Cash, like I’m somehow insulting him by saying he has trouble with speech. Believe me, no one knows better than me how smart that kid is and how quickly he picks up on things. Especially after seeing how well he did with the therapist yesterday, he actually knows more than I thought he did. Which is just even more evidence that he needs this. How frustrating must it be to know and understand so much but not be able to communicate it? What is the benefit in “wait and see?” It’s not like speech therapy is some horrible thing to endure. It’s basically playing with new toys in a different setting. He’s not being grilled with flash cards and shocked when he gets something wrong.

So if I’ve learned anything, it is to bite my tongue when I get the urge to tell a mom about how great co-sleeping is or not to give her baby cereal yet or how wonderful breastfeeding is or not to let her kid watch so much TV. Because chances are, she’s done the research and has made her own choice for her own reasons, and those reasons are really none of my business.

Tuesdays and Thursdays

2010-03-31T11:40:00.000-07:00

Well, the evaluation went well (once we got past the initial freakout when he had to leave the toys in the waiting room). I was really impressed with how well he did on all the activities that show his comprehension. (Feed the bear, put the bear to bed, point at things in pictures, put the blocks in the bin, take them out of the bin, sharing, identifying colors, show me your shoes, eyes, nose, etc.) At one point I heard her say "We're getting into the threes now so we'll stop" so I think he had completed all the tests for two year olds and quite well I might add. :)

The speech pathologist will put together a report based on the evaluation and send that to me, but she said that she recommended speech therapy twice a week, so he will start going on April 13 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I wish Cash had let her look in his mouth more because she also thought there might be a slight tongue tie there, but that might be something I need to have his pediatrician look at. She also said she was impressed with how well he was participating and how engaged he was with her, especially after we got off to a bad start. She said a lot of children come in and just refuse to do anything.

I was really very proud of him during the whole thing, the way he followed instructions and was very sweet and well behaved (initial meltdown aside. Seriously, don't put a toddler in a room full of toys and two minutes later tell him he has to leave.). He even hugged the speech therapist at the end. She complimented him and talked about how sweet and smart he was, so I was glad to see that she was getting a glimpse of who he is as a person.

This time tomorrow...

2010-03-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

Well, tomorrow is The Big Day, also known as Cash’s speech evaluation. I have butterflies already. I’m partly nervous just because I don’t know what to expect. I emailed the speech pathologist at the address on her business card just asking in general what kinds of tests they do, etc. and never got a response. I hate when people/companies list an email address on their card or website and then never respond to the emails.

Anyway, so there’s the element of the unexpected. I don’t know what they will ask Cash to do, what opinions she already has based on the forms I sent in, how Cash will respond to her. There’s also an element of fear around getting a diagnosis I haven’t even prepared myself for, like something with the structure of his tongue or palate. What if he needs surgery? (See how fast my what ifs can get out of hand?) This sentence from kidshealth.org scares me to death: A speech delay may also indicate a more "global" (or general) developmental delay.

I think the biggest thing is my desire to show her how smart Cash is, as if speech delay is a reflection of his intelligence, which I know it’s not. This is a kid who knows his colors, associates letters of the alphabet with the sound they make, knows that the arm of an excavator is called a “boom,” can brush his teeth all by himself, can follow two-step instructions. He is sweet and affectionate and funny. He sees a picture of himself on the wall making a funny face and he makes that same face. He loves peek-a-boo and hide and go seek. He sees the Count from Sesame Street and says “Ah, Ah, Ah.” He is my pride and joy and I don’t want anyone to see him as just another kid with a speech problem.

Then there is the (albeit unlikely) possibility that she will say “Cash is fine and just doing things at his own pace.”

I guess we’ll see.

In response to Katrina's blog

2010-03-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

I am one of those who has pretty much never been middle of the road on anything. Shocker, I know! I don’t have a strong opinion on every subject, but on the issues where I feel strongly, I definitely have an “I am right” mentality. I certainly understand that there are many people who think that I am wrong, and they are entitled to their opinion, but that doesn’t faze me. What really gets me going are, like Katrina said, the people who think that their opinion should be the law for everyone. If you are anti-abortion, then by all means don’t have one. If you think homosexuality is wrong, don’t be one. But don’t think that you can force others to live by your standards. I think it’s wrong that more people don’t give to charity, but I can’t force people to do that.

I can’t quite figure out all the opposition to the president’s attempt at ensuring that every American has access to health insurance, and therefore, health care. And it is an attempt. It’s not perfect and won’t fix all the problems. But it’s a start. And yes, it’s expensive. Things that are worth doing or having often are. And other things that aren’t worth doing, like waging two unnecessary wars that have dragged on for years and cost thousands of lives, are extremely expensive. We’ve spent $6 billion training an Afghani police force that is completely ineffective, corrupt and unable to protect its citizens. But it’s somehow unethical to spend that kind of money on the health of our own people? I simply don’t understand. The conservatives I work with like to point out that we could all end up paying higher health insurance premiums. And to that I say: OK. I mean, am I thrilled about more money coming out of my pocket? Not really. But if that money helps a sick person get the care they need, I’m ok with that.

I just keep thinking about when Cash was born and we found out he had a small heart murmur. X-rays were done, which are not cheap. It ended up being nothing too serious, but it did need to be monitored by a pediatric cardiologist. Without hesitation, we made the appointment and took our 3-day-old baby in for an ECG. A test that costs thousands of dollars on top of what we already owed for the delivery and hospital stay. What about the parents who get that very same news and don’t have health insurance to pay for tests like that? What do they do?

I would have more respect for the opposition if I thought their anger truly stemmed from a desire to do what is right for Americans. But I don’t think that is the case. I think they’re just mad that they lost. And trust me, I know it sucks to lose. My side lost for 8 straight years. But if they are so concerned with what is right for the rest of us, why haven’t they put forth an alternative plan? Just saying “this won’t work” is not a plan. Fine, you think it won’t work, then show me a plan that makes sure everyone can see a doctor when they’re sick without going bankrupt. A plan that prevents shady insurance companies from finding loopholes to deny coverage to people who need it most. A plan that doesn’t play on people’s fears about “death panels” and government funded abortions. A plan that ensures that in the wealthiest country in the world, people don’t have to decide between paying rent or taking their child to the doctor. Show me that, and I’ll listen to you. Until then, I’m right and you’re wrong, and my side won. Ha.

Overnighter

2010-03-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

I’ve never left Cash with anyone overnight before. Not even Jason. To some people, that seems insane given the fact that Cash is almost two. To others, it seems perfectly reasonable, even preferable. (Jason’s sister in law apparently never left her oldest overnight until she was four). I, personally, was left with my Nana for several days as soon as I was released from the hospital because my Mom was really sick from preeclampsia. I have fond memories of spending the night with her when I was a little older. I can even remember what the sheets on the little fold-out cot looked and smelled like. I know several people whose children spend the night with grandparents on a regular basis, and everything turns out fine. My friends are planning a girls’ overnight trip this summer, and I want to go. But I’ll admit it: I’m scared. I have not gone to sleep at night without him in bed with me for the last 21 months. That’s quite a streak. He does not yet sleep through the night and 99% of the time will not let Jason comfort him back to sleep when he wakes up. So…what would happen if he woke up and I wasn’t there? Would it be different if he knew I wasn’t in the house? Would he scream for hours on end? In the grand scheme of things, would it really be that terrible if he did? (For him, I mean. It would definitely be terrible for the person listening to the screaming.) Should I trust him just to Jason or have my mom come over and stay with them too? Or maybe Jason’s mom if he preferred? Will it be this hard to leave him no matter when I do it, even if he’s four? Would this be good practice for October when Jason and I get married and would like to at least spend our wedding night alone? Would it be good for him to learn that other people are just as capable of caring for him as I am? Would he be mad at me for leaving?

So many questions, so few answers.

Dear President Obama

2010-03-23T10:28:00.001-07:00

Thank You. http://www.babble.com/dispatches/what-health-care-reform-bill-means-for-moms-families-children-kids/

21

2010-03-22T06:38:00.000-07:00

Cash turned 21 months on St. Patty’s Day. Two is rapidly approaching, and that just blows my mind. It’s such a cliché, but the time has just gone by so fast. He’s gone from being my long-legged, lanky little newborn to this tall, robust little boy that always elicits a “Wow! He’s a big boy!” when people find out his age. He has his own little personality and sense of humor and likes and dislikes. He’s a big snuggler and freely dispenses hugs without being asked. He’s ticklish, especially under the arm. He likes to “hide” behind the couch and have you come “find” him. He had his first encounter with a mall holiday photo this weekend and impressed me with how well he did. He walked right up to the Easter Bunny to show him his truck, sat on his lap and smiled for the camera. Then we took his first ride on a choo choo. He stared intensely at the animatronic animals in the mall Easter display, like he knew something wasn’t quite right about those rabbits. He absolutely loves being outside and gets frustrated when it’s time to go in. He does not like his hands to be dirty and knows how to scoot his stepstool over to the sink and wash his hands. He has started gymnastics classes and loves it. He’s quite good at walking on the balance beam (with help of course) and loves it when his teacher flips him. He does not care for the hand stamp at the end of each class though, so we skip that part. He likes things just so – he goes around putting the lids back on open containers and shutting doors that have been left open. He will automatically hold out his hand for you to grab onto when he wants to go down the stairs, but he will go up them by himself. I think my theory about his crabbiness was right – he’s like a different kid now that the weather is warmer and he gets outside more often. He’s sleeping better and is generally less cranky. He is always making associations. If I’m wearing a purple shirt, he’ll show me a purple crayon and point to my shirt and say “purple.” If he’s playing with a toy bus or truck, he’ll point outside because we see those outside. If we see a school bus when we’re in the car, he’ll show me his toy school bus because they’re the same. We’ve mostly conquered the nursing all night habit (again) and now he nurses to sleep the first time and not again until around 4 or 5, shortly before we have to get up at 6. He remains a good eater for the most part, and is holding steady at 32 pounds. Last night he turned down soft tacos in favor of carrots. He’s not a big beef eater, but loves chicken. He eats lots of cooked veggies but doesn’t like them raw. He is not shy about going into the fridge and showing you what he wants. Usually fruit, a yogurt smoothie or butter-bread. Sometimes he will just sit there on the bottom shelf, checking out the various bottles and jars. He likes to help sweep and wipe up messes on the table. Of course, he creates a lot of messes too. Our living room often looks like a crayon bomb has exploded. He loves to color, mostly on plain paper rather than coloring books. We broke out the sidewalk chalk this weekend and he loved that as well. He’s got the bedtime routine down pat – bath, jammies, brush teeth, stories, bed. After we’ve read a couple of stories, he’ll look at me and tug on my shirt and I’ll ask if he’s ready for night-night. He’ll lean over to kiss Jason and then take off running down the hall to our bedroom. You hear the phrase “pitter patter of little feet” all the time, but it seriously is one of the best sounds in the world. He’s just a happy, sweet, smart little boy and our love for him just keeps on growing.

Vroom

2010-03-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

I rode with my friend Beth at work to lunch yesterday in her new (well, new to her) Chrysler Town & Country and I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but it made me want a minivan. There are several issues with this, as there always are whenever I want something. First, I probably owe more on my Yaris than it would be worth in trade. Second, to get a minivan or small to mid-size SUV that I could afford, I would have to settle for an older one with higher miles. And while the extra space would be nice, is it worth getting rid of a 2007 Toyota with only 46,000 miles? Of course, there’s always the possibility that my Toyota could randomly accelerate and kill me one day, so there’s that to think about. (The Yaris has not been recalled. Yet.) I just get tired sometimes of driving a little car. Cash seems so cramped. No one can ride in the front seat because it has to be pushed all the way forward to accommodate the car seat. We would definitely have to get rid of it if we have a second kid (WAY down the road). Whenever we travel we have to take Jason’s Xterra because we can’t fit everything into my car. But then there’s the gas mileage, which is great. I am clearly clueless.

So…thoughts? Opinions?

Nothing if not thorough

2010-03-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

I bet I'm the only person who sends in the speech evaluation forms with an addendum. They only give you three lines to "describe your child's speech." I needed more than that. :)

Things I’ve noticed:
· He imitates what other people say by grunting or saying “buh buh” with the correct number of syllables and the right intonation, just not actual words.
· He tends to stuff his mouth full of food rather than taking small bites. Then he becomes overwhelmed with how much is in there and spits everything out.
· He will not drink from a straw.
· A nurse told me when he was born that she thought he had a slight tongue tie. The pediatrician never mentioned it, so I don’t know if he does or not.
· He points at things a lot and wants you to tell him what things are called all the time, even when he knows what they are.
· He is good at identifying objects in books, pointing to body parts, following instructions, etc. so I think his hearing is fine. He has no problems understanding what we tell him. If I say “It’s time to take a bath” he runs to the tub and turns on the water.

Cash’s Words:
Bye and bye-bye=Bye
Bat=Bat (baseball)
Butt=Butt
Baw=Ball
Buh-bye=Up high or Butterfly
Puh-pul or Buh-bul=Purple
Ra-Ra=Dora
Bah-Bah=Mama
Paa-Paa=Paw-Paw
Beah=Bear
Brohhh=Brown
Booo=Blue
Ba-Ba=Backpack
Pop!=Pop! (As in toast out of the toaster)
Buh-Buh=He says this a lot when imitating a 2-syllable word someone has just said.

Sounds he makes:
· Bark like a dog (Rff! Rff!)
· Fire Hose (Shhhh sound, made through his nose)
· Grunt like a pig
· Meow like a cat
· Bleh! When something is yucky
· Mmmm when something tastes good
· Ahh! When he is imitating me when I drop something, etc.
· Ooo-Ooo for choo choo
· Brrrmmm for truck noise
· Ah Ah Ah for monkey noise
· He recognizes and can make the sounds for several letters of the alphabet but he doesn’t say the name of the letter. For instance, if he sees the letter M he says mmm instead of M. If he sees O he says ooo instead of O. He can do this for A, B, H, M, O and U.

Decision Made

2010-03-12T05:47:00.000-08:00

I’m calling today to schedule an evaluation for Cash for speech delay. He’s just so smart and deserves to be able to express what he’s thinking. I can see the wheels turning when he wants to tell me something and he doesn’t have the words to say it. I can’t imagine how frustrating that is for him. He’s come a long way from where he was a couple of months ago, when he had no words at all, but 99% of what he says now is not pronounced correctly and could only be understood by me, Jason and my Dad because we’re with him all the time. And even we sometimes can’t understand. When he goes to preschool, he will need to be able to communicate with his teachers. If I’m ever going to potty train him, he needs to be able to tell me when he needs to go. And from a purely selfish point of view, I’d like to be called Mama instead of Ba-Ba and I’d like to hear him say I love you. And his own name. And anything that doesn’t start with a B or P sound.

So. Today’s the day I take the first step in getting him the push he needs in the right direction. And logically, I know that’s all it is. I know he’s smart. I know he understands SO much more than he can say. I know tons of kids need help with this when they’re little. One of my favorite blogs is written by a woman who has a 7-year-old bonafide genius. Who also happened to need speech therapy when he was 2. She also has 2-year-old twins, one of whom is currently in speech therapy. This woman is incredibly intelligent and articulate, stays at home with her kids, has done everything “right.” I need to keep reminding myself that it’s nothing I’ve done or haven’t done that has caused this. It’s just part of who Cash is. And I wouldn’t change any part of him for the world. Everything about him makes him who he is, and I love who he is more than I love having air to breathe.

But I still had a little breakdown about it last night, and I still get a little teary writing this. Because he’s my baby, and no mother wants to see their baby struggle with something. And I know that’s ridiculous because everyone struggles with things in their life. It’s how we learn and what makes us stronger. But I hate that he’s struggling this soon. But hopefully the issue will be a simple one to fix and we can move on and not worry about this anymore. I almost think it has something to do with the muscle tone in his face. I think he physically can’t make certain sounds. He also won’t/can’t drink from a straw. Are the two related? I don’t know. But I guess we’ll find out…

THIS is why we don't allow guns (toy or real) in our house

2010-03-10T07:16:00.000-08:00

http://www.smh.com.au/world/toddler-shoots-herself-after-mistaking-gun-for-wii-controller-20100310-pwb9.html

There were two things at play here that lead to a 3-year-old accidentally killing herself. First, she had been taught that guns were toys and were acceptable things to play with. Second, her parents left a loaded gun (!!!) on a living room table where she had access to it. Obviously, the second part is where they made the biggest mistake. But what if the child had never been allowed to play with guns before? What if she had been told that they are dangerous weapons and if she ever saw one she shoud immediately tell an adult? Would she have told her mother there was a gun on the table instead of picking it up and shooting herself with it? It's hard to say. But either way, these parents have the rest of their lives to think about everything they did wrong here. And I am once again convinced that guns of any kind will not be permitted in my house.

More Good Things

2010-03-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

· Dinner and a play date with Leigh Ann, Lloyd and London tonight
· Two birthday celebrations tomorrow
· A forecast of sun and warm(er) weather for the weekend
· It’s Friday (AKA Treat Day) which means a fruit and yogurt parfait for Cash, which he LOVES
· I am wearing a pair of jeans I haven’t been able to fit into for months. I’m a long way off from my goal, but I’m making progress.
· The best part of most of my days, and the beauty is I get to see it twice: When I walk in the door at my parents’ house at lunch and at the end of the day, Cash gets the biggest grin on his face and RUNS into my arms. That right there almost makes up for the fact that I don’t get to be a stay at home mom. I bet they don’t get greetings like that. :)

The Little Things

2010-03-04T05:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just need to remember how awesome the little things are. So I’m taking a cue from Katrina and making a note of at least three things that made me happy yesterday/today:
· A brownie sundae with my friend Beth from work (not on the diet but whatever)
· Commiserating about the perils of toddlerhood with various people in the same boat (Thank you Beth, Katrina and Leigh Ann!)
· Making a pedicure appointment for Sunday.
· Playing kitchen with Cash
· Hearing Cash laugh when I sing the Batman song and hearing him say “Bat-Bah” for Batman
· A relatively easy bedtime routine (down from 1 hour to 40 minutes and no screaming!)
· Watching the creepiest Criminal Minds ever (they seriously almost lost me with last night’s) and knowing my baby was safe in our bed
· Target trip after work today! Might just buy myself something purdy…

Ugh

2010-03-03T08:35:00.000-08:00

This article on Babble really spoke to me today. http://www.babble.com/toddlers/attachment-parenting-problems/weaning/index.aspx.

Cash and I have been having a bit of a rough patch lately. Maybe it’s just par for the course of toddlerhood, maybe he’s having a growth spurt or working on some developmental milestone (talking perhaps?) but jesus pete, he is hard to be around sometimes. Don’t get me wrong – I love this kid more than anything on this planet and would happily give him any of my internal organs should he require one, but when I’ve been trying to put him to bed for an hour and he’s still sitting up, whining, nursing, switching sides, etc….well, it’s hard.

A few months back I thought I had hit the jackpot when I got him to a point where I could nurse him to sleep and then if he woke up after that I could rub his back, hum, shush or whatever and he would fall back to sleep quickly. Somewhere along the way (I blame the snow and all those days I spent at home with him, which were basically nursing free-for-alls) we got back to him wanting to nurse all night. He nurses for an hour to fall asleep. He wakes up an hour later for a little snack. And then two hours later, again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Sometimes, like last night, I reach my limit and take away the boob, and OMG, the screaming that ensues. Jason came in, attempted to pick him up, which resulted in a wail that only the dogs next door could hear, then he put him back down and it was like someone had flipped a switch. He laid down on the pillow, closed his eyes and was out. WTF? Some nights he’s so worn out it only takes 10 minutes for him to fall asleep. But he never sleeps through the night. Ever. There are nights when he wakes up every hour and nights when he sleeps for 4 hours at a stretch. Why? I DON’T KNOW!

I think I need to start explaining to him what we expect at bedtime. I know he understands much more than he can verbalize, so I’m going to start telling him that at nighttime, we sleep. He can nurse to sleep the first time, and after that, no more nursing until morning. We just lay down, get comfy, close our eyes and go to sleep. And eventually I’m going to have to suck it up and not give in to the screaming demands for nursing. I’ve offered him a cup of milk, which he refuses most of the time. And I usually hit my breaking point after about 20 minutes of screaming.

And it’s not always about bedtime. He can be quite the little crankpot in the morning too. He would prefer to sleep, snuggle and nurse until about 7:30. But we get up at 6:00. Sometimes if he’s still sound asleep, I’ll let him sleep in while I get ready, but then he has to get up and get dressed so we can go. He does better if he has a little time to snuggle, nurse (of course!), watch a little Barney or whatever is on PBS at that hour and gradually wake up. I need to work harder at making sure we have time for that in the morning and see if that reduces the meltdowns. He just wants to be attached to me at all times, and when I tell him I need to get ready for work, the whining starts again. Or he throws his toys down in frustration or, on occasion, hits me. And other than telling him in a stern voice that we do not hit people and making him “apologize” by giving me a hug, what do you do?

I don’t know, I’m just in a frustrated parenting place right now. There are so many awesome moments of hugs and snuggles and laughs and reading stories. But then there are times like last night when I wanted to just start crying with him because I’m at a loss. I hope that once the weather gets warmer and he can get outside and run around and get all his energy out, things will get better. I’d be cranky too if I was a kid who had been cooped up all winter. Hell, I am cranky because I’ve been cooped up all winter. Here’s hoping Spring will save my sanity.

Lost in translation

2010-02-23T10:52:00.000-08:00

Before I had a child of my own, I was always amazed by parents who could decipher the ramblings of their offspring when they are first learning to talk. At this point I’m just happy Cash is making an effort, but it amuses me to see him say something and have my mom look at me like “Um…WTF did he just say?” And I’m like “Duh, he said PURPLE. Geez.” So here is the official guide to Cash Speak.

What he says:
Bye and bye-bye
What he means:
Bye (He’s got that one down.)

What he says:
Bat
What he means:
Bat (As in baseball, not the nocturnal critter.)

What he says:
Butt
What he means:
Butt (He’s a boy, of course he can say butt.)

What he says:
Baw
What he means:
Ball

What he says:
Ba
What he means:
Could be many things, including bowl, ball, and who knows what else.

What he says:
Buh-bye
What he means:
Up high or Butterfly, depending on the situation

What he says:
Buh-bul
What he means:
Purple

What he says:
Ra-Ra
What he means:
Dora

What he says:
Ba-Ba
What he means:
Mama. I know he can make the “m” sound but for some reason when I ask him who I am, he says Ba-Ba. Maybe it’s a reference to the boob, who knows.

So yeah, there is a definite preference for the letter “B.” I know he can make other sounds because he can recognize certain letters of the alphabet and make their sound. But we seem to be stuck in all B mode right now. I still think some speech therapy may be in order, but I’m waiting to make that call until he’s two. I continue to be intrigued by the way he imitates us by grunting the exact number of syllables with the right intonation but doesn’t say the words. I say “Goodnight moon” he says “Uh-uh, uh.” Oh, and when he wants to make a “sh” sound, he does it by blowing air out of his nose. For instance, ask him what a fire hose does and he waves his hand around like he’s holding the hose and blows air out his nose to make the sound of the water. I wish I knew a speech therapist so I could ask them if this stuff is normal without paying them. :)

NO NO NO

2010-02-16T08:37:00.000-08:00

I need to stop reading blogs about people getting dogs. (Ha! Blogs and dogs!) It is giving me dog fever.

Must keep repeating to self: Now is not the time for a dog, now is not the time for a dog…

Seriously. We rent our house. We have a toddler and a cat. SO NOT THE TIME FOR A DOG.

Stop looking at petfinder! Gah!

Progress

2010-02-08T07:46:00.001-08:00

Well, Cash will be 20 months old in 9 days and he has 3-4 words now. Still nowhere near the “20 words by 20 months” rule I’ve read so much about but better than 0 words. He can say Mama although he has only called me that to my face once. He can say “Bye” flawlessly and calls Dora “Ra-Ra” which I say counts. He’s said “bat” a few times but not consistently. He is making more attempts to imitate what we say, although a lot of times it still comes out as grunts with the same inflection as if he were saying the words. For instance, he loves to “say” uh-oh and oops but they come out as “Uh-uhh” and “Uh!” but with the same tone as if he were really saying the words. Hopefully the massive amount of reading we are doing is sinking in. Man that kid loves books. Which is great, but I wish he would let us read any of the new books we’ve bought him rather than Dr. Seuss’s ABCs or The Happy Man and His Dump Truck for the 1,000th time. But hey, a book is a book I guess, and there really is nothing better than a snuggly toddler curling into you, happily readying himself for a story. So I’m not complaining.

He is way into the alphabet and loves to point out the letters he knows whenever he sees one. Those letters include: A, B, H, M and O.

We took him to the mall play area and the train table at Barnes & Noble yesterday just to get out of the freaking house (go away snow!). It’s always interesting for me to watch Cash with other kids. He kind of watches them in amazement. He lives in a relatively child-free environment, so he just seems in awe of these running, yelling, climbing creatures. Cash has his moments of exuberance, but mostly he’s a pretty chill kid, content to color, read a book, play trucks and trains, etc. And honestly, I’m thankful for that. It’s exactly the way my sister and I were as kids. We slept late, watched TV, read, played Barbies. We had little desire to run around outside, getting all dirty and sweaty. Cash does love being outside and I will be so glad when warmer weather returns and he can get out in the yard, but he’s not crazy about dirt. He stepped in a puddle the other day and froze, saying “Uhhh” and holding out his hands to be picked up. If anything gets dropped on the table or floor at dinnertime, he immediately points to it and says “Oh!” He holds his hands out to be wiped off approximately every 10 seconds when he eats. He also likes some things to be “just so.” If you leave the front door or the baby gate open or the office chair pulled away from the desk or the cap off a bottle, he will rush to fix it. I think it’s hilarious.

He knows the oven is hot and will cautiously put his hand out to it whenever he gets close to it. He likes to give treats to Sam. Man, he loves that cat. He’ll point to him and we’ll say “That’s Sam, the kitty cat” and he’ll fold his arms into himself to imitate a hug because he likes to hug Sam. Seriously, who could not love this kid?

19 months

2010-01-18T07:20:00.000-08:00

Cash turned 19 months old yesterday and he…

Is learning his ABCs. He points to “A” and says “Aaaaa” and “B” and says “Buh-buh-buh.”

Knows most of his colors. Tell him to pick up the (insert color here) crayon and he gets it right 99% of the time. Genius.

Is practicing drawing circles. There’s definitely room for improvement, but he’s trying.

Is currently in love with two books – Let’s Dance Little Pookie and one about a concrete mixer. For some reason every time you finish reading a page of the concrete mixer book, he laughs really loud like this: “HA HA!”

Will imitate his talking lawnmower when he laughs. Actually, it’s that same dramatic “HA HA!”

Has been casually introduced to the potty. It’s actually a potty/step stool combination that we use mostly as a step stool right now but he’ll come in and sit down on it when I sit down on the big potty (TMI, I know) and will point to it if you ask where his potty is. Baby steps…

Is wearing some 2T and some 24 months stuff, and I still don’t know how those two things are different. I mean, 24 months is the same as 2 years right?

Is wearing size 8 extra wide shoes. It’s no wonder his old shoes made him cry, as they were 6 ½.

Is still not the best sleeper in the world, but I’ve made my peace with that.

Makes a throwing motion like throwing a baseball and a “whoosh” sound when you ask him if he wants to play Wii.

LOVES to color.

Will sit quietly in your lap while you read him a book. And then the same book over and over.

Knows that a cow says moo and a horse says nay and a pig says oink. (Granted, he still can’t say any of those things, but he can point to the animal when you ask him which one says which. Although he does attempt a sort of pig snorting noise.)

Is a wiz at going up stairs but still holds out his hand for you to help him go down. He also knows that when we get to the top of the stairs, we close the baby gate.

Got his first haircut a couple weekends ago and is so very handsome, although less babyish, which makes me sad.

Likes to pretend to cook and eat in his play kitchen. I’m trying to teach him to stick his pinky out when he “drinks” from the tea cup.

Has gotten much better at using a spoon and fork although sometimes the hands are just easier.
Loves looking at pictures of himself and people he knows.

Is a great helper – he will throw things away, put his lotion away in the cabinet in his room, put things back in the refrigerator, etc.

Loves to brush his teeth.

Is still nursing, and I love it because I get a little of my baby back when he snuggles with me.

Is growing up way too fast but is a ton of fun.